The Power of Words: How to Step into a New Truth

August 9, 2010

 If you want to step into a new truth, you must start talking about yourself differently. I recommend The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz to help you create a new truth.  Ruiz says that if you want that if you want to experience heaven on earth you must learn to keep the first agreement: Be impeccable with your word. Ruiz says that the first agreement is actually the most important of the four agreements and the most difficult to keep.

At first glance, keeping the first agreement didn’t so difficult to me.  I keep my commitments. I do what I say I’m going to do and I’m known to be honest and trustworthy, but according to Ruiz, the definition is much broader than keeping commitments and being trustworthy. Unbeknownst to me, I made an assumption about what it means to be impeccable.  I guess I’m not so good at the third agreement either. (The third agreement is never make an assumption.) By the way, the other agreements are: never make assumptions; never take anything personally; and always do your best. 

 Being impeccable, as I understand it now has three prongs: the way you speak about yourself, what you are willing to agree with, and the way you speak about others. Take for example, the silent conversation you have in your head every day.  When you mentally abuse yourself you say things to yourself like “you idiot…” or “You are making a fool of yourself…” or “What will everyone think

if I fail?”  You are not being impeccable because you are not acting in your best interests.

Another example is when you compare yourself. More often than not, the loser is you. “He has a bigger house,” or “She is a better at sales” and “They have a better family.”  In the silent conversation whether through discounting or comparisons, you betray yourself and act against your own best interests. 

So how do you make sure you become impeccable on this first prong? Shakespeare said it this way, “To thine own self be true…” However My friend Sue Janick said it another way when she recently won a Toastmasters speech contest:

We all remember 911 and we worry about terrorism in our nation.  We all want peace on earth, but most of us do not realize that every day we live amongst terrorists. The terrorist is the voice inside your own head that speaks to you daily and says things like, ‘you are so stupid…you are not worthy, or ‘you should have done this instead of that’ and ‘you will never be a success.”  

Here’s the trickiest prong of being impeccable: Don’t agree with someone else’s negative point of view. You can’t be impeccable with your word when you fall under the spell of believing someone else’s reality when it doesn’t serve your best interests. For example someone tells you your idea is no good and you believe them. Now instead of pursuing your idea or tweaking it to make it workable, you are under the spell of believing it is no good therefore you lose your passion.  

Just recently I was able to turn a situation around when I was sharing a business concept  with a trusted friend who is also an experienced business professional.  The friend started talking about how difficult it would be to materialize the idea, how others might not understand the concept and how there was a financial risk and it might take a long time.”  I silently said to myself, “I do not agree. This is one reality and mine is different. ”  Saying this affirmation to myself kept me conscious so that I didn’t fall into a collective agreement about how things are supposed to be.  As a result, the business idea materialized in two days, and there was a nice profit.  In the past I might have focused on the fear and not moved forward simply because I was willing to enter into a “collective agreement” with someone else rather than committing to become impeccable with my word. 

With that said, I want to be careful not to criticize my friend for having a different reality than me because it’s also important to have to have a high regard for others if you want to be impeccable with your word.   If you are tempted to gossip or criticize, then read on to see why Ruiz says that criticism and negativity toward others hurts you just as much as it does the other person.

“If I see you in the street and I call you stupid, it appears that I’m using the word against you. But really I’m using my word against myself, because you’re going to hate me for this, and your hating me is not good for me. Therefore if I get angry and with my word send all the emotional poison to you, I’m using the word against myself.” 

Words have power and magic in them. Words have the power to harm or the power to heal. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me….and you.


7 Reasons People Lie

September 3, 2009

People lie as a way to gain pleasure or avoid discomfort. Below are seven examples of little white lies and the reasons behind them.

1. To save face

You blame being “too busy” for being behind on a project rather than admitting you are unorganized.

2. To avoid taking responsibility

You  tell the sales person to call back next week because you don’t want to take responsibility for saying “no.”  When he does call back we tell him it’s “not in our budget,” or “the committee said no.”

3. To avoid confrontation

The fired employee is told  “we are just moving in another direction” instead of telling him his work didn’t measure up.

4. To gain a benefit without paying the price.

You call in sick just to have another day off with pay.

5. For self-protection

You look in the  mirror and say to yourself, “of course you don’t look fat in that outfit” and you say one more helping won’t hurt and I’ll start my diet tomorrow.

6. To influence others

You compliment someone so that they will like you or buy from you. Or, you agree with their point of view even though you secretly disagree.

7. To please others

You laugh at a disgusting joke even though you are offended. You justify your lie by the belief that if they knew you were offended they would have ammunition.

To live honestly in the purest sense of the word may be more of a journey than a destination, and the first step is awareness and introspection.  One reason people lie is that they have not developed the delicate communication skills required to live honestly and still keep the relationship in tact. The way we apply honesty in our lives is a mirror to our character. Derived from the Greek, the word character has come to mean the constellation of strengths and weaknesses that form and reveal who we are. Honesty that is absent of the other character traits such as courtesy, kindness, integrity and self-discipline, can be toxic and truth telling must be delivered with kindness, integrity and with regard to the relationship.


Clutter is Not the Problem

March 28, 2009

I used to think clutter was the problem. Now I know clutter is just the manifestation or the “result” of other things

  1. Going too fast
  2. Lack of planning
  3. Belief that you are not enough
  4. Belief in scarcity
  5. Not telling yourself the truth
  6. Not having (or sticking to) a system

Let’s take each one and give a little break down.

Going too fast
When you don’t take time for space, every waking moment is used producing. Without adequate down time you will start to stack and pile. Eventually the piles produce chaos and then you spend time recreating the wheel because you can’t find the original wheel you created three weeks ago.

Lack of planning
Without an end-game in mind, you simply react to either drama or opportunity. Either way you shoot from the hip and make snap decisions. It may be fun but it is sure messy.

Belief you are not enough
I see entrepreneurs do this one all the time. Just one more website. One more article. One more pod cast. Let me do a radio show to get PR. When is it enough? Never…if you don’t honor yourself.  The “I am not enough” syndrome shows up as overwork, too much content, and overwhelming yourself and others with too much, too often.

Belief in scarcity
When you believe there’s not enough to go around you start hoarding.  You keep stacks of ideas which will one day turn into an article. You collect things that one day you may have to sell when the going gets tough. You never get rid of old clothes even when they don’t fit. There are tubes of empty lipstick, empty toothpaste tubes and half used cans of deodorant…just in case you run out you know you have a little you can still squeeze out.

Not telling yourself the truth
You tell yourself little fibs so you can justify your clutter. “I’ll eventually use those articles.” Those old Power Point slides may come in handy one day.   I may want to recycle those 50 web pages that I no longer use.  Yes…and you may one day decide to wear those platform shoes and hip-hugging bell bottoms even though you are 15 pounds heavier and 15 years older, so by all means…keep them.

No system
Most of the time the real reason is we don’t know how to channel the creativity. This calls for real systems, and a way to integrate everything.  Yes, you really can write 12 articles, turn them into a book, then use them as pod casts, then give to others to use on their blogs.  A really good system can help you clean the clutter very quickly.

So now you know, clutter is never the real drama. All that happens when you clear the clutter is just more clutter later on…that is, until you learn how to slow down, plan, believe in yourself and in abundance, tell yourself the truth and create a system you can stick to.


Four Ways to Confront Your Drama

March 16, 2009

Many “spiritualpreneurs”, solopreneurs, New Agers, (those who coach on spirituality or higher consciousness) avoid admitting they have drama, because they falsely believe they should already be “past all of this,” after all, they coach others.

Because of the work I do, I have heard the secrets that you will never hear in public. In addition, I’ve been there too, and I realize the danger of believing you are “above it all.”

Here are four truths to help you confront and even welcome your drama so you can “stop your drama” and move forward.

1. Drama is part of life.

2. Drama keeps you Real

3. Drama is a teacher

4. Overcoming Drama Leads to Freedom

Drama is a part of life.
The definition for drama is “any obstacle to your peace or prosperity.” Unless you are a guru living on a remote mountain spending all of your time in meditation you are going to have some drama here and there. Yes, there will be times when you are in the flow and you think you have it all figured out. You are making money, your relationships are rewarding and your health is excellent. Then something happens and you start to feel unstable. The downward spiral begins. The good thing is that a little drama reminds you of your humanity.

Drama Keeps You Real
When things are going well it’s easy to get “high and mighty.” I’m sure you’ve seen it. Someone of extraordinary status starts boasting, judging and advising, then something happens. The stock market crashes, they lose their business, their spouse leaves them. Instead of gloating, just remember that all of us eventually come face to face with drama. Going through it yourself keeps you real and helps you build your compassion muscle.

Drama is a Great Teacher
Most drama is in the mind. You feel inadequate so you exaggerate your income. You worry that others will judge you because you lost your biggest client. You have a nagging feeling that you are never going to succeed and you are ashamed of the way you look. Could it be there are hidden lessons on self-acceptance or authenticity? Maybe your drama is trying to teach you not to confuse where you are with who you are. Your drama always has rich learning points if you are willing to look inward.

Overcoming Drama Leads to Freedom
When I first started my journey I hated my background. I struggled with my identity for the first three or four years even though I was speaking professionally. Eventually, facing your fears leads to freedom. Here are two questions:

1. What are you hiding?

2. What are you afraid of?

Are you hiding a business or relationship failure? Are you afraid you are not really good enough? Are you afraid you’ll be seen as a fraud? Are you secretly afraid of rejection?

In the beginning, I was hiding parts of myself because I was afraid of the reactions and judgments I believed would happen. Most of it was in my mind.

The biggest fear most of us face is the fear of judgment. Judgment blocks prosperity and keeps you in a constant state of “mind drama.” Once you confront your drama you are free to speak authentically and free to be you.

The new Mastermind is forming, and we will be addressing these issues and more in the 8-step process. If you coach others, you may want to learn these methods as a compliment to the work you do. If you are a business owner, you can use these methods to stop the drama that’s hampering productivity and performance.



Don’t Confuse Where You Are With Who You Are

February 24, 2009

The economy is bad.

You didn’t make enough money last year.

This  year isn’t looking much better.

How will you get clients?

You feel insecure; uncertain.

You wonder if you have what it takes.

DRAMA is any obstacle to your peace and prosperity.  When your thinking or your circumstances become your drama, it is time to CLEAR THE FOG and reinvent.
Reinvention can take the form of an action, a mental shift, an attitude, a decision or a physical transformation.

I want to encourage you to reinvent your identity.

Reinvent Your Identity
One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle says that what you identify with will eventually cause you pain. Do you identify yourself as a business owner; as one who has a lot of money, as a mother, or as beautiful?

Don’t confuse WHERE You are, with WHO you are.

So you feel insecure. So your check book isn’t what you think it should be.  Don’t be tempted to start making up stories about yourself or using the economy to make excuses not to be successful.

Beating yourself up or blaming circumstances is the unconscious path of least resistance.  LIVE above the LINE of blame and resentment and make a conscious choice that you will not define yourself by your mistakes, your learning curve or your circumstances.

When you start to drift into the fog and the murky waters of head drama, take charge immediately. I have a few mantras I have created for you.

  • I am not my drama
  • This is just WHERE I am, not WHO I am
  • This too shall pass
  • I’m  smart, I’ll figure it out

As T Harv. Eker says in his book, The Millionaire Mind,

Rich people are bigger than their problems.
Poor people are smaller than their problems.

Tell yourself the truth. You are a creator.  Creators are resourceful, they ask for help, they are innovative. Creators don’t blame the economy nor do they “wait on the economy” to get better before they act. Creators find a way to learn from the mistakes and circumstances and the result is growth.

You are always bigger than your problems. You will take full responsibility for your situation and one day you will be able to use this experience to help someone else who also needs to be reminded that where you are is not who you are.


Stop the Spiral Down Drama

January 27, 2009

When you start to “spiral down” no matter what the reason it is a sign.  Something is out of whack. You don’t feel hopeful about your relationship, the economy, or your career. You see others who seem to have it all figured out and you secretly envy them. Your projects overwhelm you and your surroundings are full of clutter. All of the sudden you have a case of “stinkin thinkin’” but knowing it doesn’t help you spiral back up. Even though an occasional dip is normal, it doesn’t mean you have to stay there for long. Here are four ways to move through the valley and back up the mountain.

1. Slow Down
2. Clear the Clutter
3. Reconnect
4. Reassess

Slow Down

Right before the spiral notice the tendency to overexert. You are acting out of fear. Fear that there aren’t enough opportunities. Fear that you are running out of time. Fear that you aren’t keeping up. Fear that you are running out of money. The tendency is to get distracted with opportunities or “doing” so that you don’t feel those fears. The illusion is that you are going to find the magic formula if you just “do” one more thing. The reality is you will never create success when you are feeling frustration and failure. It isn’t possible to be in “drama” during the journey and arrive at the island called Nirvana.
You must recognize the urge to do more as an addiction, and you must consciously decide to be in charge of your compulsion and slow down or even stop for one day.

Clear the Clutter

Clutter manifests because you didn’t see the signs. You added one more thing to your unfinished projects. You didn’t slow down and now you are overwhelmed with a list of tasks that are not attached to a plan. Signs of clutter are an e-mail in box with 2000 emails, stacks of magazines you intend to read, piles of junk you keep promising you will sell on e-bay. Clutter only reminds you of all you haven’t done and promises you haven’t kept. On your “slow down” day, instead of working on another project or coming up with yet another idea, clean the clutter.

Reconnect

When you spiral down you often feel old patterns surfacing. You feel self-doubt, unworthiness or envy. All you need to do is reconnect. Reconnect spiritually and relationally. Spend some time in prayer, journaling or meditation. To paraphrase Wayne Dyer, “it’s always between you and God anyway.” Reconnecting spiritually will remind you that your depression, fear or overwhelm is not about your situation or other people it is because you have lost connection. Reconnecting with others can also give you a huge boost of energy if you do so from a pure intention. Don’t look at others as a means to an end, such as hoping they will purchase something from you or give you a good lead. Just enjoy their company, see the value in them as a person and you will be surprised how easily it is to get recharged.

Reassess

Most of what you believe to be true is just a story you are making up. You see someone else and believe they have it made because they are wealthy, famous, beautiful or all three. In reality you can never know what someone else is going through. Everyone has challenges and every person has his own demons to face. So many times people have been in admiration of me when I was going through my own private world of despair.

Instead of automatically believing every thought that pops into your head, select the thought offering you the highest and best truth while still allowing you to change or improve what is necessary.

We will be talking about these kinds of things in the new Signature Series Calls.