Need for Perfection Leads to Drama

May 25, 2010

Question: My time management is pathetic. I need some help prioritizing and fitting in important things like exercise and a healthy diet. I expect perfection and have a hard time with expectations.

Answer: I love this question because it truly is an energy issue. All drama has three components in common and one of those components is energetic. I call this energetic charge, RESISTANCE.

One of the ways resistance shows up is in self judgment. Let’s address the self judgment. The need to be perfect is a resistance to our humanity. As a human you will always find imperfections.  When we expect to be perfect we will always fail. Perfection is an empty black hole that is easy to fall in to. So I try to encourage my consulting clients to seek excellence because excellence allows room to grow while perfection is a myth that some day I will have all the answers. This is a big trap that will always have you grasping for something you will never achieve. So there is a bit more flexibility with excellence.

Perfection is all about needing approval and being right. 

There is also some resistance around the issue of time and how we use time, and the myth that technology is going to save you time.  Now let’s look at the myths about technology. One myth is that more advances in technology gives us more time. The reality is it only gives us more choices. Our expectations change to fill up the time. This is very difficult for most of us to accept. We reject the notion that you can never really save time. Time just is. You can be more effective. You can choose differently. You can even master your energy differently but you will never really save time because the expectation changes with the technology. What is called for here is mastering energy.

Energy management is the key issue here. This is a matter of making a decision and sticking to it. Simply spending some quiet time and giving yourself a week to exercise three times for 1 hour would be a nice start. It’s really just a discipline and the willingness to slow down in your thinking just a bit.

Once you follow through your self-esteem and overall sense of well being will increase. This extra energy is what will make you more efficient, not working past your limits, skipping meals and feeling bad about yourself.

In addition, remember that if you don’t give your body what it needs, it will eventually take the down time in the form of an illness or accident. In other words, you can’t fool mother nature.  We always reap the consequences of our choices, even when we fail to choose, it does not keep us from the effect.

Ready to release resistance? Join me  for the upcoming virtual training!


5 Reasons You Don’t Have Enough Time

May 20, 2008

The biggest victim story today is “I don’t have time.” Now before you get angry with me, know that I’m in the same boat. I’m just accustomed to having what I call “Truth Telling Days” and when I go through this process, I come up with huge insights. I have come up with five main reasons we all experience the “No Time” drama.


1. We don’t know how to choose
There are too many choices and these choices tempt us to skip lunch, stay up late, work over time and avoid rejuvenation.

2. Lack of boundaries
Although most of us crave freedom, too much freedom creates stress. Think about how stressed your kids get when there are no boundaries. If you allowed your children to choose what to eat and when to go to bed, they would be in serious trouble. Most of us do not have the basic discipline skills to set boundaries for ourselves,

3. Self Betrayal
One of the 7 sins of self betrayal is failing to meet your basic needs. Rest and relaxation is a basic human health need. Every 90 minutes the body needs to rejuvenate. When we feel rushed or overworked the natural tendency is to skip lunch or work late. The adrenalin becomes addictive and damaging to our nervous systems, thus the increased stress.

4. Technology Overload
Technology was supposed to help us save time and make life easier. The reality is, the standards have increased to match the convenience. On top of that, it takes time (learning curve) to master technology. In the days before electricity when it got dark, people went to bed. Then light came and gave us new choices. Then came radio, television, answering machines, faxes, cell phones, pagers, e-mail and the list goes on.

5. Convenience
It’s easier to complain about “no time” than it is to create discipline. It’s risky and therefore not convenient to take charge of your time. Others will approve of you when you say you are “too busy” because they also “too busy.” If you simply learn to say “no” you may lose approval and people won’t understand. When you are busy you feel important and when you have free time you feel edgy if not just downright worthless. If you don’t believe me, look at what happens to busy people who retire without finding another purpose.

The new challenge is for all of us to learn how to choose consciously, set good boundaries, discipline ourselves to take good care of our bodies, and to use technology instead of letting technology use us.

Try this experiment: the next time someone starts talking about how busy they are choose a different response just to see what happens. Say, “Really? I have all the time in the world.” Maybe you’ll start a new trend.

PS…Speaking of truth telling, visit my radio show where Ruth King reveals the
UGLY TRUTH About Business.