The Power of Words: How to Step into a New Truth

August 9, 2010

 If you want to step into a new truth, you must start talking about yourself differently. I recommend The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz to help you create a new truth.  Ruiz says that if you want that if you want to experience heaven on earth you must learn to keep the first agreement: Be impeccable with your word. Ruiz says that the first agreement is actually the most important of the four agreements and the most difficult to keep.

At first glance, keeping the first agreement didn’t so difficult to me.  I keep my commitments. I do what I say I’m going to do and I’m known to be honest and trustworthy, but according to Ruiz, the definition is much broader than keeping commitments and being trustworthy. Unbeknownst to me, I made an assumption about what it means to be impeccable.  I guess I’m not so good at the third agreement either. (The third agreement is never make an assumption.) By the way, the other agreements are: never make assumptions; never take anything personally; and always do your best. 

 Being impeccable, as I understand it now has three prongs: the way you speak about yourself, what you are willing to agree with, and the way you speak about others. Take for example, the silent conversation you have in your head every day.  When you mentally abuse yourself you say things to yourself like “you idiot…” or “You are making a fool of yourself…” or “What will everyone think

if I fail?”  You are not being impeccable because you are not acting in your best interests.

Another example is when you compare yourself. More often than not, the loser is you. “He has a bigger house,” or “She is a better at sales” and “They have a better family.”  In the silent conversation whether through discounting or comparisons, you betray yourself and act against your own best interests. 

So how do you make sure you become impeccable on this first prong? Shakespeare said it this way, “To thine own self be true…” However My friend Sue Janick said it another way when she recently won a Toastmasters speech contest:

We all remember 911 and we worry about terrorism in our nation.  We all want peace on earth, but most of us do not realize that every day we live amongst terrorists. The terrorist is the voice inside your own head that speaks to you daily and says things like, ‘you are so stupid…you are not worthy, or ‘you should have done this instead of that’ and ‘you will never be a success.”  

Here’s the trickiest prong of being impeccable: Don’t agree with someone else’s negative point of view. You can’t be impeccable with your word when you fall under the spell of believing someone else’s reality when it doesn’t serve your best interests. For example someone tells you your idea is no good and you believe them. Now instead of pursuing your idea or tweaking it to make it workable, you are under the spell of believing it is no good therefore you lose your passion.  

Just recently I was able to turn a situation around when I was sharing a business concept  with a trusted friend who is also an experienced business professional.  The friend started talking about how difficult it would be to materialize the idea, how others might not understand the concept and how there was a financial risk and it might take a long time.”  I silently said to myself, “I do not agree. This is one reality and mine is different. ”  Saying this affirmation to myself kept me conscious so that I didn’t fall into a collective agreement about how things are supposed to be.  As a result, the business idea materialized in two days, and there was a nice profit.  In the past I might have focused on the fear and not moved forward simply because I was willing to enter into a “collective agreement” with someone else rather than committing to become impeccable with my word. 

With that said, I want to be careful not to criticize my friend for having a different reality than me because it’s also important to have to have a high regard for others if you want to be impeccable with your word.   If you are tempted to gossip or criticize, then read on to see why Ruiz says that criticism and negativity toward others hurts you just as much as it does the other person.

“If I see you in the street and I call you stupid, it appears that I’m using the word against you. But really I’m using my word against myself, because you’re going to hate me for this, and your hating me is not good for me. Therefore if I get angry and with my word send all the emotional poison to you, I’m using the word against myself.” 

Words have power and magic in them. Words have the power to harm or the power to heal. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me….and you.

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Two Big Productivity Killers

May 6, 2009

The biggest roadblock to productivity is what I call “resistance.” Resistance is some form of negativity…a non acceptance of what is. Resistance shows up in various ways, but the easiest to spot in the world of business is complaining and judgment.

Complaining is a verbal resistance to a future event or a past occurrence.  Judgment is the negative thought pattern about what should or should not be.

Complaining and judgment are obstacles to productivity because, instead of doing the one or two things you could actually do to solve the problem, serve the customer, or fix the mistake, time is wasted complaining about what who is wrong, what someone should have done and what you didn’t like about something or someone.

Judgment and complaining are time wasters that shift your focus in the wrong direction.

Why People Judge and Complain

So then, why do we judge and complain? We do it to lessen the pain and discomfort that taking responsibility requires of us. To be responsible means to look at the part you played. You didn’t explain your expectations thoroughly, you didn’t confront the problem when it was small, you didn’t speak your truth, you didn’t do a good job leading.

It’s just easier to complain about how inefficient your assistant is, or to judge them for not having the skills you thought they had.

Complaining and judging does nothing to solve your problem but it does make you feel better about yourself. It’s the most acceptable way of going into denial. Here’s an easy visual to bring this issue to light:  Your boat springs a leak, so you take a shot of whiskey and beat your rowing team with your oar. Then you go find someone who will agree with you that you did the right thing. (You vent to other leaders who have the same problems and you conclude that it’s just darn hard to get good help.)

“They” should have checked out the boat maker, they should have avoided the rock. Now you have a reason why you didn’t get to your island, and that reason feels better than to say you didn’t delegate properly and you didn’t provide training or you didn’t do a good job leading.

Your anger and denial does nothing to actually help the situation. You still have a leak in the boat, and you still have incompetent rowers, and that is why complaining and judgment hampers productivity.


Four Ways to Confront Your Drama

March 16, 2009

Many “spiritualpreneurs”, solopreneurs, New Agers, (those who coach on spirituality or higher consciousness) avoid admitting they have drama, because they falsely believe they should already be “past all of this,” after all, they coach others.

Because of the work I do, I have heard the secrets that you will never hear in public. In addition, I’ve been there too, and I realize the danger of believing you are “above it all.”

Here are four truths to help you confront and even welcome your drama so you can “stop your drama” and move forward.

1. Drama is part of life.

2. Drama keeps you Real

3. Drama is a teacher

4. Overcoming Drama Leads to Freedom

Drama is a part of life.
The definition for drama is “any obstacle to your peace or prosperity.” Unless you are a guru living on a remote mountain spending all of your time in meditation you are going to have some drama here and there. Yes, there will be times when you are in the flow and you think you have it all figured out. You are making money, your relationships are rewarding and your health is excellent. Then something happens and you start to feel unstable. The downward spiral begins. The good thing is that a little drama reminds you of your humanity.

Drama Keeps You Real
When things are going well it’s easy to get “high and mighty.” I’m sure you’ve seen it. Someone of extraordinary status starts boasting, judging and advising, then something happens. The stock market crashes, they lose their business, their spouse leaves them. Instead of gloating, just remember that all of us eventually come face to face with drama. Going through it yourself keeps you real and helps you build your compassion muscle.

Drama is a Great Teacher
Most drama is in the mind. You feel inadequate so you exaggerate your income. You worry that others will judge you because you lost your biggest client. You have a nagging feeling that you are never going to succeed and you are ashamed of the way you look. Could it be there are hidden lessons on self-acceptance or authenticity? Maybe your drama is trying to teach you not to confuse where you are with who you are. Your drama always has rich learning points if you are willing to look inward.

Overcoming Drama Leads to Freedom
When I first started my journey I hated my background. I struggled with my identity for the first three or four years even though I was speaking professionally. Eventually, facing your fears leads to freedom. Here are two questions:

1. What are you hiding?

2. What are you afraid of?

Are you hiding a business or relationship failure? Are you afraid you are not really good enough? Are you afraid you’ll be seen as a fraud? Are you secretly afraid of rejection?

In the beginning, I was hiding parts of myself because I was afraid of the reactions and judgments I believed would happen. Most of it was in my mind.

The biggest fear most of us face is the fear of judgment. Judgment blocks prosperity and keeps you in a constant state of “mind drama.” Once you confront your drama you are free to speak authentically and free to be you.

The new Mastermind is forming, and we will be addressing these issues and more in the 8-step process. If you coach others, you may want to learn these methods as a compliment to the work you do. If you are a business owner, you can use these methods to stop the drama that’s hampering productivity and performance.



A Truth-Telling Navigational Device to Guide Your Direction

March 6, 2009

You visualize but it doesn’t materialize.

You take full responsibility.

You have eliminated the negativity and drama.

You have the education and knowledge.

You have studied spirituality.

So why haven’t you made any money?

It’s because you are rowing in the wrong direction.

You keep listening to the coaches and gurus tell you that you have to strengthen your belief.  You must have a big block somewhere. You must have some unseen problem that needs to come to the surface.

So, you whip out the credit card and hope this new program will help you to finally once and for all uncover that blockage…that negative belief.

Maybe you just need to learn how to leverage. Maybe it’s all about understanding how your brilliance can be packaged and systematized to help you create results.

If you don’t know how to “IDENTIFY the GAP” you will keep rowing backwards trying to find the rock that that is keeping you stuck.

All you need to do is to tell yourself the truth. Do you REALLY need to keep searching for some negative belief lurking in the dark or do you need to shift directions?

Let’s say it really isn’t about your lack of confidence or your low self-esteem. Here’s a Truth Telling Navigational Device. Check off the ones that are true for you then you have probably saved yourself lots of drama and thousands of dollars.

You truly don’t have the necessary skills.
You don’t have the credibility yet.
You need to gain more experience.
You actually do need a certification, degree etc. to accomplish your goal.
You do not  know how to delegate.
You do not delegate because you are afraid to invest the money.
You don’t know how to effectively manage a team.
You spend your time making logos and power point slides when you should be marketing.
You are not leveraged.
You don’t even know what leverage means.
You don’t have a system or process.
You don’t even know what systems or process means.
You are more committed to freedom than to working hard to make it happen.

You can probably think of a few on your own, but knowing what is really missing is the first step to getting the help you really need.

Join the next Mastermind at www.stopyourdrama.net


Don’t Confuse Where You Are With Who You Are

February 24, 2009

The economy is bad.

You didn’t make enough money last year.

This  year isn’t looking much better.

How will you get clients?

You feel insecure; uncertain.

You wonder if you have what it takes.

DRAMA is any obstacle to your peace and prosperity.  When your thinking or your circumstances become your drama, it is time to CLEAR THE FOG and reinvent.
Reinvention can take the form of an action, a mental shift, an attitude, a decision or a physical transformation.

I want to encourage you to reinvent your identity.

Reinvent Your Identity
One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle says that what you identify with will eventually cause you pain. Do you identify yourself as a business owner; as one who has a lot of money, as a mother, or as beautiful?

Don’t confuse WHERE You are, with WHO you are.

So you feel insecure. So your check book isn’t what you think it should be.  Don’t be tempted to start making up stories about yourself or using the economy to make excuses not to be successful.

Beating yourself up or blaming circumstances is the unconscious path of least resistance.  LIVE above the LINE of blame and resentment and make a conscious choice that you will not define yourself by your mistakes, your learning curve or your circumstances.

When you start to drift into the fog and the murky waters of head drama, take charge immediately. I have a few mantras I have created for you.

  • I am not my drama
  • This is just WHERE I am, not WHO I am
  • This too shall pass
  • I’m  smart, I’ll figure it out

As T Harv. Eker says in his book, The Millionaire Mind,

Rich people are bigger than their problems.
Poor people are smaller than their problems.

Tell yourself the truth. You are a creator.  Creators are resourceful, they ask for help, they are innovative. Creators don’t blame the economy nor do they “wait on the economy” to get better before they act. Creators find a way to learn from the mistakes and circumstances and the result is growth.

You are always bigger than your problems. You will take full responsibility for your situation and one day you will be able to use this experience to help someone else who also needs to be reminded that where you are is not who you are.


Gifts to Give in a Down Economy

February 13, 2009

HeartGary Zukav, author of Heart of the Soul, says,  “if you aren’t aware of your intentions before an interaction, you will be aware of them afterward.” I’m paraphrasing, but think I got the essence.

I can think of no better time to talk about awareness of intention than right now on Valentine’s day.

Sometimes when we give a gift, we do so to get something in return.

We get approval.
we get a surprise.
We get a smile.
We get love.
We get a gift in return.

Sometimes we are unaware of our hidden motives for giving gifts.
A friend of mine (a young at heart grandmother) learned this lesson the hard way.

Grandma always showered her granddaughter Britney with gifts on her birthday. On Brittney’s sixth she opened a gift from Grandma only to exclaim, “I already have that!”

This caused DRAMA for Grandma.  Grandma was

  • Hurt because her gift was not appreciated
  • Angry because she was not acknowledged
  • Disappointed because she did not get the reaction she wanted

In addition Grandma adopted a judgmental stance: “Britney should be taught to appreciate what ever is given to her.”

Can you see how hidden agendas eventually surface?
When we give a gift and are disappointed at the response it means there was a “need” attached to the gift.

This Valentines day  why not give priceless gifts with no attachment?

  • The gift of attention
  • The gift of listening
  • The gift of appreciation

Most of the time those you love want your presence, not your presents.

When we feel unworthy we often use gifts as a way to manipulate and control instead of honoring the person with the greatest gifts that are priceless.