People Only Want Two Things

February 27, 2010

In any given situation people really only want two things, and one of those things is be loved.

No matter what you think you want, no matter what the other person says they want,  part of the equation is always love.

If you can remember this, all of your relationships will improve because, while  you may not be able to fulfill any or part of their equation, you can always act from love.

The really cool thing about love is that love  can be offered in so many different ways.  You  get to experiment daily by doing the following…

Listening
Spending quality time
Showing respect
Asking for an opinion
Cleaning up after yourself
Acknowledging
Showing compassion
Setting boundaries
Congratulating
Being considerate
Telling the truth
Apologizing
Authentic communication

So, the next time someone acts rude, plays games, acts arrogant, sulks or creates drama,  remember that this person does not know how to get her needs met.  

She uses manipulation to try to get your attention.

He uses anger to get his way.

She brags on herself to get acknowledged.

No matter what it looks like, it’s always about looking for love in all the wrong places…or trying to get love in ways that keep you from it.

Because we do not know this we make excuses for our behavior.

She will say she’s acting out because it’s your fault.

He will say it’s because life has dealt him a bad hand. 

You will say they deserved it.

No  matter which side you are on, the Universe always offers  a chance to give love or withhold love. 

Instead you may choose to judge, withhold, blame, or scold. Or you may pretend bad behavior is OK or justified.

Nonetheless, every day there is the opportunity to give or receive love.

Of course,  it isn’t  loving to allow disrespectful behavior. You aren’t showing love if you keep honoring a person’s drama story and discounting the truth of who they really are or discounting the possibility of who they can be.

Judgment and criticism are not the answer either.  When you criticize it is because in some way you  need to feel better than someone else, which unfortunately is just another way to try to get love, by  making someone else less than you.

No matter what the situation, it is never as it seems.

It’s never about the other person.

It’s never about who is right and who is wrong.

It’s never about getting the extra money, the more prestigious title, winning the medal, or getting the contract. 

In he end and to the core, it is always about love.

All of life is a lesson in how to give and receive love.


Eleven Reasons You Aren’t Getting What You Want

August 20, 2009

Sometimes you just don’t get what you want. Even if you are an action taker, sometimes you feel stuck in the gap. The gap is the distance between where you are and where you want to go. There are a lot of theories on why people don’t get what they say they want. Here are 11 observations. See if any of these resonate and give me your own observations.

1. You don’t really know what you want.

2. You know what you want but you don’t believe it’s possible.

3. You don’t know what is required to get where you want to go.

4. You are not willing to do what is required.

5. You are not willing to ask for help.

6. You keep asking for approval instead of owning what you want.

7. You are not telling the truth about what you really want.

8. You are more committed to something else rather than your goal.

9. Old programming keeps you operating from your subconscious mind.

10. You do get what you want but you never celebrate or recognize it so you don’t get to experience the joy of success.

11. Your expectations are unrealistic given your skills, resources and time available.
(see #3)

What habits to do you see that keep people from getting what they want?


The Island Called Money

July 13, 2009

I seen an island called “Money” and I want to go.

It seems nearly impossible.

I only have a row boat and two oars.

I have no map.

I see a yacht going in that direction.

I forget that I’m in a rowboat and I try to follow.

The waves splash up in my boat and I almost sink.

I don’t have the resources.

I sing a song called, “Life isn’t fair.”

After the song, I see a Tug Boat who has spotted my problem.

The tug boat offers to let me hook up for exchange of one oar and the shirt on my back.

But I need my shirt and my oar, I protest.

Trust me first says the Tug boat, and I’ll take you to first to another island which will give you what you really want, which isn’t a new shirt or a new oar, or even a motor.

What is it I really want I ask Tug?

What you really want is love, or happiness, or acceptance.  You can have those things now and then when you get to your island called money, you won’t really need the money anymore, and that’s when you can do the most good with it.



Do You Value Your Greatest Assets?

December 19, 2008

I just met an inspiring young entrepreneur and his wife for lunch.  I love it that I can learn so many things from those much younger than me.

What I learned is that we so often miss our priorities and we don’t value that which is our greatest asset. This is as true in the corporate world as it is in our home lives.

You know how in the workplace they always say, “Employees are our greatest asset” but then when times get tough you see a different commitment?

Isn’t it true that in life our families and spouses can also be our biggest asset, yet we totally take them for granted?

I want to share what Chase Barfield, founder of BarfieldManagement.com says about the value of teamwork and seeing your spouse as part of the team. Click here to see the article.

This article will help you if you are a business owner or entrepreneur and will add meaning to your relationships.


What to Do When You Are Out of the Flow

December 9, 2008

I often talk about “reading the signs” and what I mean by that is not “woo woo” but about increased levels of awareness. With increased levels of awareness or (consciousness) you can make simple shifts to bring you more into that good feeling flow.

Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of themes emerging from those who feel out of sync…out of the flow…a bit hopeless or depressed.

I even found myself feeling that way recently and was surprised at an old pattern resurfacing. I thought I had mastered the “inner game.”

After all, in the end it’s all about alignment; your inner game and feeling of connectedness.

I’ve “read the signs” for myself about WHY I get out of the flow and thought these five signs might be of help to you too.
1. I’m  not telling myself the complete truth
2. I’m not meeting my basic needs
3. I have traded “virtual” reality for “physical reality.”
4. My attitude has slipped into negativity
5. My habits are becoming my master instead of my servant

Telling the truth

It’s so easy to put a smiley face on an empty gas tank.  I think most of us are afraid to tell ourselves the truth when we feel lousy, but staying in denial only prolongs it.  When you feel bad, just admit it and go right to non-resistance. Then  you open the “portal” for change.

Meeting basic needs

When I skip sleep, exercise or good nutrition, it’s just a matter of time before I start feeling a little disconnected.  The biggest victim story that I hear over and over is “I don’t have time.”  I used to “lie” to myself about that too.  Now I know what Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) says is true: It’s about sharpening the saw. To skip out on “sawing logs” will have you sawing logs with a rusty dull saw.

Virtual reality versus physical reality

I love the Internet and the connections and friends I make on Face Book, Ning, and WordPress but when I forget to get out there in public and mix and mingle, or even call a friend on the phone I get completely out of touch with life.  When I’m feeling depressed I always cheer up to go to a networking meeting or social event.

Attitude

What you think about expands. Attitude is everything but trust me, you simply can’t keep your attitude in check when you are exhausted and your body is full of fat and sugar.  When the little gremlins start taking over the conversation in your head, go backwards and see if you have made the errors already talked about in the previous steps:  You aren’t being honest about  your situation, you are  not meeting your basic needs and you are addicted to your computer and sacrificing your physical, real-life relationships.

Habits: Master or Servant

I can just visualize it…your five year old comes and says “let’s Play” and you say, “be quiet, I’m trying to build relationships…”  Why do we forget that technology should be our servant instead of our master?

I’m as guilty as the next person. There’s always one more thing to learn. There’s Twitter, Squidoo, Animoto, Mind Movies, Face Book, Ning and the list continues to grow. Let’s face it we will never keep up with all of it.  Learning is fun but when it becomes a compulsion it’s a problem.

In the end it’s all about the inner game and we teach what we need to learn.  Living the “Stop  Your Drama” methodology keeps me honest and in alignment.


Master Key Mind Basics to Eliminate Suffering

December 7, 2008

Many people are suffering right now due to the market volatility, unemployment and apparent lack of stability. This suffering manifests in mind patters of worry and anxiety that builds deep grooves in the brain until a new pathway is built into the brain that has you repeating thoughts of doom and gloom.  The more you focus on the problems the more real you make them and the more you trigger toxic chemicals that flow into your blood stream harming your physical health some three months or three years later.  If you want to stop the MIND DRAMA here are three steps.

1. Get control of your body

2. Get control of the mind

3. Visualize

Get control of the body

Until you can make yourself become still you cannot learn to control your mind. Therefore it is imperative that you create a discipline for yourself so you start to understand that you are in charge.  This is the most difficult step for most people because they want a quick fix. They want to “do” something and just getting control of the body is not only boring, it seems like a waste of time. This tip comes from the book, “The Master Key System,” and I quote the exact paragraph for instruction of taking charge of the mind.

“Now make the application: Select a room where you can be alone and undisturbed; sit erect, comfortably but do not lounge; let your thoughts roam where they will but be perfectly still for from fifteen minutes to half an hour; continue this for three or four days or a for a week until you secure full control of your physical being. Many will find this difficult; others will conquer with ease, but it is absolutely essential to secure complete control of the body before you are ready to progress.”

I started this process and have had amazing results. Just the discipline of getting quiet and knowing that I can trust myself to take charge has created a new confidence in my abilities. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstances you begin to feel empowered and in charge.

Get Control of Your Mind

One of my favorite quotes in the Master Key System is “Therefore to control thought is to control circumstances, conditions, environment and destiny.” Most of us know nothing about controlling our thoughts.  Our thoughts are habitual patterns that we repeat over and over. Scientists tell us that we think about 60,000 thoughts per day and over 85 % of those thoughts are repetitive. This is because most of our thinking is due to our subconscious mind that never questions anything but will believe anything we feed it. The way we create habits is by repeating something over and over; therefore the subconscious mind is the seat of habit. If you want to change a habit, you have to “reprogram” the thought in the subconscious mind.

Once you have good habits programmed, your life becomes so much easier because your thinking supports you rather than keeps you in fear and anxiety.

Let’s look at how creating good habits free you from having to think consciously. When you first learned to drive you had to think consciously about how to accelerate, how to focus and how to make a turn. After practicing for several months, driving became automatic and ruled by your subconscious. If you created good driving habits you automatically drive safely.  If you developed bad habits such as running red lights when no one is looking, talking on the cell phone etc. what you do is set yourself up for a problem later on.

The point here is that what ever thoughts are running in the background of your mind are habits that have been developed over time until they became unconscious and habitual. For example  your parents told you to believe certain things and since you didn’t question these beliefs, mind pathways were “grooved” into your brain and became habitual and unconscious.  In order to get control of your mind you must use your conscious mind to make the change until your new thought is ingrained and habitual.

Now you know why you must first get control of the body and get still. When you are on automatic pilot you aren’t able to use the energy of your conscious mind to make the needed change. When you master your mind, you are using your conscious mind to create new mind patters that will replace the old patterns.

The Master Key System explains this second part in detail. “Always take the same room, the same chair and the same position if possible. Now be perfectly still as before, but inhibit all thought; this will give you control over all thoughts of care, worry and fear, and will enable you to entertain only the kind of thoughts you desire. Continue this exercise until you gain complete mastery.  You will not be able to do this for more than a few moments at a time, but the exercise is valuable, because it will be a very practical demonstration of the great number of thoughts which are constantly trying to gain access to your mental world.

Visualize

When you were a kid you used visualization all the time. You pretended to be a pirate or a fairy or you dreamed of the bike you wanted for Christmas. As adults we visualize all the time too but most of the pictures we visualize are of unwanted outcomes or fear of failure. Again, most of our visualization is habitual and from the subconscious mind rather than a conscious effort. There is a difference though in mindless daydreaming and focused visualization.

Focused visualization is where you become the “captain of your ship”  as you head to the island of  your dreams. You consciously think about an intended outcome and focus consciously on the object of your desire until that picture creates a groove in your brain…that vision becomes habitual. What you want to do here is change your negative habits that were created unconsciously, with a positive outcome that you have consciously created.

The Master Key system gives some instruction on how to master the art of visualization. “For your exercise this week, visualize your friend, see him exactly as you last saw him, see the room, the furniture, recall the conversation now see his face. See it distinctly. Now talk to him about some subject of mutual interest; see his expression change, watch hi smile. Can you do this? All right, you can; then arouse his interest. Tell him a story of an adventure, see his eyes light up with the spirit of fun or excitement. Can you do this? If so your imagination is good and you are making excellent progress.

Once you are able to do these three steps you have the foundation to start changing any circumstance in your life. When you are ready to stop the drama and take full responsibility you will make the time and the effort necessary to stop shoveling coal in the boiler room and become the captain of your ship.

Register to get the bi-monthly ezine “The Drama Stops Here.”

If you are a manager and need to motivate employees through these tough times click here.