When you say “no” what do you really mean? Is your “no” a boundary or is your “no” a form of resistance? How do you know?
When you are in resistance, you are in a state of non-acceptance to what is..to something that has already happened, or to something you cannot immediately change or control. Your “no” in this instance only makes the situation worse. Until you come into acceptance, you can’t facilitate positive change.
However, saying “no” to something over which you have choice is alltogether different.
A good clean “no” has a different “energetic” feel to it. In other words the intention behind the “no” is the distinction. Often times “No” does not equal “no” but instead
No = Please talk me into it.
No= I will show you!
No= Pay back.
No = I will manipulate you.
No = I need to be right.
All of the above listed forms of “no” is really just resistance to what is, and an attempt to manipulate someone else in order to change the situation.
So many times, “no” is said out of anger, only to leave a residue of regret. It helps to remember that anger is not truth… but it can be the fuel that gets you there.
If you are angry, pay attention and ask yourself if a boundary has been crossed or if you are just frustrated because someone does not agree with or support your right to say, “no.”
You have the right to say no, when you don’t agree, when you don’t want to participate in something, or when a boundary has been crossed. It is not your job to make sure everyone understands, or is happy with your “no.”
In the end, if you want your “no” to really mean something and to be clear, you have to give up the need for everyone to understand or agree. Otherwise your “no” will lack integrity and clarity and your “yes” will also be watered down.
So how do you know if your “no” really means “no” or if it is just resistance? If your “no” is a good clean “no” there will be no drama attached. You will have peace even when you are not completely happy with how others respond, your “no” will honor the highest and best for you.