Increase Productivity by Releasing Resistance

May 27, 2010

You’ve surely felt it before.
Your clients resist purchasing.
You employees resist your leadership.
Your spouse resists your ideas.

Maybe you even resist a few things.
You resist looking at your numbers.
You resist looking at the Employee drama,
or you resist dealing with an irritable client.

What causes resistance?

Fear, disagreement, lack of understanding
and navigating through change.

Perhaps you “feel” the resistance in our world
right now because of the massive changes and fears.

Resistance always creates high stress and “DRAMA”
which is what I define as an obstacle to your
peace and prosperity.

The end result of resistance is
feeling stuck, increased negativity,
exhaustion, overwork, anxiety, and
lower productivity.

Whether you are a leader trying to
influence your staff, or sales professional
offering new services to your client,
you must know how to identify resistance
so you can “release the resistance”
and navigate through the change.

Many try will-power, behavioral solutions,
and disciplined approaches, only to have a
very short-term fix, leading to anxiety or
even disappointment.

The solution is secondary

Yes, the solution is always secondary to the emotional
and mental energy issues taking place during a period
of resistance.

There is one mind-set that must be activated
before change can take place. You must get
to what I call “The fulcrum point of change.”

Sign up for my teleseminar series on how to recognize and release resistance and how to tap into the fulcrum point of change.

You can use this information in various ways
1. To change something in your own life
2. To facilitate change on your team
3. To influence your clients
4. To figure out what is keeping you stuck and distracted

This may be one of the most important personal
and professional development tools you will ever
acquire. The knowledge you take from this
content-packed program can be used in your
personal and your professional life.

Who Should Attend?

*You are successful but want to maximize your energy
*You are ready to reinvent in some area of your business
*You want new methods to increase sales
*You enjoy learning cutting edge information
*You are comfortable exploring new methodologies
*You sometimes struggle with low energy and feel “tapped out”
*You are in the midst of a “power struggle” at home or at work
*You want to boost your confidence and self-esteem
*You want your relationships and communication to improve
*Ready for a challenge and a change

To see more about this program click on  Release Resistance.


Need for Perfection Leads to Drama

May 25, 2010

Question: My time management is pathetic. I need some help prioritizing and fitting in important things like exercise and a healthy diet. I expect perfection and have a hard time with expectations.

Answer: I love this question because it truly is an energy issue. All drama has three components in common and one of those components is energetic. I call this energetic charge, RESISTANCE.

One of the ways resistance shows up is in self judgment. Let’s address the self judgment. The need to be perfect is a resistance to our humanity. As a human you will always find imperfections.  When we expect to be perfect we will always fail. Perfection is an empty black hole that is easy to fall in to. So I try to encourage my consulting clients to seek excellence because excellence allows room to grow while perfection is a myth that some day I will have all the answers. This is a big trap that will always have you grasping for something you will never achieve. So there is a bit more flexibility with excellence.

Perfection is all about needing approval and being right. 

There is also some resistance around the issue of time and how we use time, and the myth that technology is going to save you time.  Now let’s look at the myths about technology. One myth is that more advances in technology gives us more time. The reality is it only gives us more choices. Our expectations change to fill up the time. This is very difficult for most of us to accept. We reject the notion that you can never really save time. Time just is. You can be more effective. You can choose differently. You can even master your energy differently but you will never really save time because the expectation changes with the technology. What is called for here is mastering energy.

Energy management is the key issue here. This is a matter of making a decision and sticking to it. Simply spending some quiet time and giving yourself a week to exercise three times for 1 hour would be a nice start. It’s really just a discipline and the willingness to slow down in your thinking just a bit.

Once you follow through your self-esteem and overall sense of well being will increase. This extra energy is what will make you more efficient, not working past your limits, skipping meals and feeling bad about yourself.

In addition, remember that if you don’t give your body what it needs, it will eventually take the down time in the form of an illness or accident. In other words, you can’t fool mother nature.  We always reap the consequences of our choices, even when we fail to choose, it does not keep us from the effect.

Ready to release resistance? Join me  for the upcoming virtual training!


Is it Really a Choice?

April 28, 2010

Ever wonder why you (or someone you know) keeps falling into the same destructive patterns?  Then you hear a well-meaning motivational speaker say, “It’s a choice.” But is it really? Old programming runs most of your life, and until you have an awakening you may not even recognize the choices in front of  you.

Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, you may have the power, but since you don’t know how the power works, you keep seeking answers outside of yourself.


Is Your “No” a Boundary or Resistance?

April 22, 2010

When you say “no” what do you really mean? Is your “no” a boundary or is your “no” a form of resistance?  How do you know?

 When you are in resistance,  you are in a state of non-acceptance to what is..to something that has already happened, or to something you cannot immediately change or control.  Your “no” in this instance only makes the situation worse. Until you come into acceptance, you can’t  facilitate positive change.

However, saying “no” to something over which you have choice is alltogether different.

A good clean “no” has a different “energetic” feel to it. In other words the intention behind the “no” is the distinction.  Often times “No” does not equal “no” but instead

No = Please talk me into it.
No= I will show you!
No= Pay back.
No = I will manipulate you.
No = I need to be right.

All of the above listed forms of “no” is really just resistance to what is, and an attempt to manipulate someone else in order to change the situation.

So many times, “no” is said out of anger, only to leave a residue of regret. It  helps to remember that anger is not truth… but it can be the fuel that gets you there.

If you are angry, pay attention and ask yourself if a boundary has been crossed or if you are just frustrated because someone does not agree with or support your right to say, “no.”

You have the right to say no, when you don’t agree, when you don’t want to participate in something, or when a boundary has been crossed.  It is not your job to make sure everyone  understands, or is happy with your “no.”

In the end, if you want your “no” to really mean something and to be clear, you have to give up the need for everyone to understand or agree. Otherwise your “no” will lack integrity and clarity and your “yes” will also be watered down.

So how do you know if your “no” really means “no” or if  it is just resistance?  If your “no” is a good clean “no” there will be no drama attached. You will have peace even when you are not completely happy with how others respond, your “no” will honor the highest and best for you.


Five Questions to Help You Release Resistance

October 7, 2009

I often talk about releasing resistance as part 7 of my Stop Your Drama Methodology. So, what is resistance? It is the non acceptance of what is.

Resistance shows up in complaints, excuses and regrets,  not to mention mind drama. You can hear resistance when someone says, “yes but…” or when someone talks about what “should” have happened or how life is not fair.  Much of the time resistance is a reaction to unwanted change or to the perception of losing control.

Even with this  checklist, resistance is still very difficult to recognize.

Most of us are totally unaware of getting trapped in resistance patterns because it’s so natural. Even when opportunities come or good things happen we often resist.

Here’s an example. I had a national speaking engagement and was set up for about 40 people; however my topic was apparently of interest to about 120 people.

Once the meeting planner saw that the room was over-flowing, without giving me much notice, he announced, “We are changing your session to meet in the big ball room.”

My immediate reaction was resistance:  “No! We can just move extra chairs in here.”

“There’s not enough room,” he said as he grabbed my computer and headed out the hall and down the elevator.

My resistant thought patterns were

  • But…I have done so much work and now it’s for nothing
  • I won’t be able to do the games and interactions in a big room
  • We should just stick to the plans
  • I didn’t prepare for a general session (in other words, it’s not fair to change things without lots of notice.)

As you can see, I was trapped into resistance because I was so attached to the picture I had in my mind. I was also attached to all the hard work of setting up a room for a mini-workshop and immediately I had to switch my mind to general session.

For people who are not speakers, there is a big difference in the delivery of a general session versus a breakout session.

Then, I realized the gift I was being given. I was attracting triple the number of audience members, yet my initial reaction was one of resistance.

Here is a checklist to help you recognize resistance.

  1. How often do you shoot down an idea with the word, “but”
  2. What are you so attached to that you fail to see opportunities?
  3. What could be good about the changes you are facing?
  4. Are you willing to be flexible to work as a team?
  5. What do you have to do to enable yourself to see the good even in the chaos of unexpected change?

Join me for the upcoming virtual training on how to release resistance!


Snapshot of Resistance

June 25, 2009

The word “Resistance” is new in the business world.  The definition I use is any negativity or “non-acceptance of what is.”   Here’s an easy visual. Feel free to share it with your team, your boss and your associates.

You and your team are in a rowboat productively rowing to the island called profits. Then, the boat springs a leak.

Rower #1 says, “Who’se fault is it anyway?”

Rower #2 says, “I knew this would happen! This sucks!”

Rower #3 says, “I fixed it last time and I’m not doing it this time.”

Rower #4 says, “It is your fault, Rower #2. I warned you to check out the boat.”

Rower #2 says, “Yes, and I told you that you chose the wrong boat maker to begin with.”

Rower #3 says, “I’m stupid to trust any of you to do what you are supposed to do.”

Rower #1 says, “You are all idiots and this is not fair, but let me fix it anyway.

Then Rower #1 thinks says secretly to himself, “I will fix it but I will never help again. I am not willing to row any harder, I am not willing to give any second chances and I have a right to feel how I feel.

This is resistance.  Productivity is lost. Tempers flair. Fingers point. Instead of plugging the leak, pitching in, working as a team, and looking at the systems, resistance got the best of the rowers. Is resistance getting the best of you? Where would you be without your drama?

Join me for the Release Resistance Training at www.stopyourdrama.us.


Prescription to Relieve the Pain of Failure

May 22, 2009

BubblesTake 2 Tsp of resentment and equal parts justification.

Find someone to blame for your situation.

Tell your story to someone who will readily agree.

Relief should happen immediately.

Symptoms of taking this drug include the tendency to always be right, the need to repeat the story to others,
being seen as a bore, relationship problems and trouble on the job.

If you experience any of the above symptoms go to http://www.stopyourdrama.com and take a dose of personal responsibility.

Warning: The taste can be quite bitter, and may be difficult to swallow, but taking a daily dose of personal responsibility will cure chronic addiction to the blame elixer and will eliminate the need to blame or tell stories.


Two Big Productivity Killers

May 6, 2009

The biggest roadblock to productivity is what I call “resistance.” Resistance is some form of negativity…a non acceptance of what is. Resistance shows up in various ways, but the easiest to spot in the world of business is complaining and judgment.

Complaining is a verbal resistance to a future event or a past occurrence.  Judgment is the negative thought pattern about what should or should not be.

Complaining and judgment are obstacles to productivity because, instead of doing the one or two things you could actually do to solve the problem, serve the customer, or fix the mistake, time is wasted complaining about what who is wrong, what someone should have done and what you didn’t like about something or someone.

Judgment and complaining are time wasters that shift your focus in the wrong direction.

Why People Judge and Complain

So then, why do we judge and complain? We do it to lessen the pain and discomfort that taking responsibility requires of us. To be responsible means to look at the part you played. You didn’t explain your expectations thoroughly, you didn’t confront the problem when it was small, you didn’t speak your truth, you didn’t do a good job leading.

It’s just easier to complain about how inefficient your assistant is, or to judge them for not having the skills you thought they had.

Complaining and judging does nothing to solve your problem but it does make you feel better about yourself. It’s the most acceptable way of going into denial. Here’s an easy visual to bring this issue to light:  Your boat springs a leak, so you take a shot of whiskey and beat your rowing team with your oar. Then you go find someone who will agree with you that you did the right thing. (You vent to other leaders who have the same problems and you conclude that it’s just darn hard to get good help.)

“They” should have checked out the boat maker, they should have avoided the rock. Now you have a reason why you didn’t get to your island, and that reason feels better than to say you didn’t delegate properly and you didn’t provide training or you didn’t do a good job leading.

Your anger and denial does nothing to actually help the situation. You still have a leak in the boat, and you still have incompetent rowers, and that is why complaining and judgment hampers productivity.


It’s Not About the Solution

April 26, 2009

No matter what your problem, it’s never really about the solution… at first. That’s why I won’t be disappointed with you when you don’t take my advice, or when you do take my advice and it doesn’t work for you.

Haven’t you ever wondered why there are so many people who keep paying for coaching, going to workshops, seeking answers only to be stranded on the same island they started on?

When someone offers up a solution to you and it doesn’t work, it’s not because the solution isn’t a good one, it’s because on some level you are not clear that you agree. Or you are not clear that you really want the solutions say you want.

(I know because I’ve bought many template or blueprint programs only to become disinterested once the purchase was made.)

I see many consultants and coaches getting stressed because they don’t understand that it isn’t really about their solution. It is not really about convincing the client to actually implement advice they paid for.

It’s easy to make the assumption that just because someone paid for our advice there is no resistance. You make their resistance worse if you get too attached to them taking your advice. It becomes YOUR goal instead of THEIR goal.

When you get attached to someone else’s outcome, it’s only because you have a judgment about what they SHOULD be doing because your own ego is attached.

If there’s resistance on the part of the client, that resistance needs to be drilled down until you find willingness.

In part 7 of my Stop Your Drama Methodology I call willingness “The Fulcrum Point of Change.” Until there is willingness, nothing else happens, even if you give them the blueprint and weekly consulting.

Let’s face it, if it was all about the “how to” all the world’s problems could be solved at the public library and an accountability partner. Look at all the books out there on making money, finding love, building a business and losing weight.

The “how to” is already in place. What is not in place is clarity. When you get clear about who you are and what you want, you will get it.

If you are not clear about who you are and what you want you will learn through contrast. Another name for contrast is “pain.” You will discover that which you don’t want and then from that place you will eventually find your clarity.

The clarity may be to move forward and take the consultant’s advice. The clarity may be to reject the advice and move in a different direction.

The good news is clarity always comes.


What are You Waiting For?

March 5, 2009

I wonder if the recession could take a dramatic shift if all at once everyone just decided to quit waiting?

What are you waiting for?

Waiting for the recession to end.
Waiting for Obama to do something.
Waiting for congress to approve something.
Waiting for the client to say “yes.”
Waiting for the boss to make a decision.
Waiting for others to understand.
Waiting until someone approves.
Waiting for agreement.
Waiting for the budget to change.

The reason I am so aware of this is from listening. I have been realizing that this is the biggest wake up call we have ever had and so many of us are still asleep at the wheel just WAITING for the alarm to go off.

I have been speaking about my Stop Your Drama Signature Process, which is all about reinventing, realigning and rejuvenating your business.

So many people have said they felt energized and they want more. They feel like it would be helpful for their workplace to hear the message.

But it stops right there at one or more stop signs:

There is no way the boss would agree to a program right now.
There isn’t any budget.
I’ll see what everyone else thinks.

In contrast I had a corporate client (a manager) say she is doing something innovative and getting together with another manager to “joint venture” so their staffs can have the program.

Another group is having a “grass roots” event in their home because they think their clients would benefit. That is the example of what it means to be a creator (step 8 in the signature process.)

It’s not about me selling my stuff.  Use any example and you will see that many of us live from the space of WAITING for someone else to take the lead. We have forgotten our power to create.

If  you want to reclaim your power it only takes a mental shift and think like an entrepreneur. It’s time to see the opportunity. It’s time to reinvent, realign and rejuvenate!

You have to see yourself as the door and the key.


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