The Easy Way to Get More Love

Every living thing just wants to be loved.

Some people try to get love by proving they are “right.”

Others try to get love by admitting they are always “wrong.”

Some try to get love by saying “yes” when they want to say “no.”

Some people believe they will finally be loved when they make more money.

Some believe they will get more love when they get the right career.

Some try to find love by getting more education, another title, one more degree.

Some believe plastic surgery will get them the love they want.

Others believe having more toys leads to more love.

The easiest way to get more love is to see yourself as an extension of God, make peace with who you are and where  you are,  and then show more love to everyone you meet.

4 Things You Must Do in a Recession

Instead of worrying, blaming the recession, or shrinking, here are four things you must do to change the situation:

1. You must get clear
2. You must be bigger than your circumstances
3. You must stop your drama”
4. You must reinvent

You must get clear
The one with clarity navigates the ship. The problem I see right now is too many people have clarity but it is in the wrong direction. Is your clarity

–I don’t have time

–I don’t have money

–I am not enough?

What if your clarity was of a different kind?

–I have all the time I need

–I am resourceful

–I am enough

You can be clear that you are going to fail or clear that you are going to be successful. What kind of clarity do you want?

You must be bigger than your circumstances
No matter how tough it seems you are not your job, you are not your business and you are not your bad news. You must never confuse where you are with who you are.

You Must Put a Stop to Your Drama
Drama is any obstacle to your peace or prosperity. What is your obstacle? The fight with your spouse, your negative attitude, the worry that keeps you up at night? Did you know that even recalling an angry experience can suppress the immune system for up to 6 hours? You must stop being a victim to your thoughts or to your circumstances.

You Must Reinvent
The idea of being in a recession keeps you a victim as you wait and wait and wait for someone to do something or something to change. When you decide to reinvent, you now become a creator and you make the necessary changes.

I have developed a very easy to use self-study to help you reclaim your power.
Most of the time all we have to do to reinvent is to stop betraying ourselves.
I have found there are 7 ways we self-betray on an ongoing basis. Why not use this “recession” as a time for reflection and reinvention?

The deadline for the early bird rate is May 1^st. Hope to see you there!

It’s Not a Recession it’s a Reinvention

Recession…that’s the new buzz word. Today I had a revelation.  What we are going through is  not a recession it’s a reinvention.

Reinvention always feels a bit scary as we leave behind things that no longer serve our best interests.

Do we want to let go of the old? No…because we are addicted.

We were addicted to…

• wastefulness and now we are reinventing to being green.
• comparison and we are reinventing to collaborate.
• force and we are reinventing to find our power.
• apathy and now we are reinventing to find purpose.
• business as usual and we are reinventing to see new opportunity.
• “My territory” and we are reinventing to a global economy.

Letting go of addictions never feels good so we think up words like recession to describe the withdrawal of letting go of the poisonous substances that threaten to ruin us in the end.

Being “in a recession” keeps us living in drama as a victim, forever waiting for a rescuer to bail us out.  Being in a “reinvention” helps us to reclaim our power as we become a creator.

The best way to deal with the “recession” is to see it as a reinvention, to take full responsibility and keep our eyes on the prize.

Join me April 2nd in Springfield Missouri for the collaborative effort between The Skinny Improv and Stop Your Drama as we present the show, “Recession or Reinvention: You Choose!”

Why Reinvention is Difficult

It always looks easier than it is.  You visualized it. You did your research. You watched others. Then you jump. You decide to start your business. You decide to invest a large amount on re branding, or you make the leap to reinvent a part of your life.

This is what you wanted, so why are you feeling so scared?
Is it your “negative beliefs?” Are you just incompetent?  A victim?

This was some of the “head drama” going on in my mind when I reinvented about 10 years ago.   Now I know that reinvention is difficult. Here is why:

1. Old habits die hard
2. Your brain is wired to warn you of change
3. You have no model to work from

Old habits die hard
Experts say we think over 60,000 thoughts per day and at least 85% of those thoughts are either repetitive or negative. With that in mind, think of how exhausted your mind is when the old thoughts no longer work for you.  When you reinvent you are in essence you  have to think hard to create new habits and new thoughts, therefore it is exhausting which translates to “not comfortable.”

Your brain is wired to warn you
There is this little part of your brain called the amygdala, par tof the limbic system located in the temporal lobe of the cerebral hemisphere. when you go through a big change the amygdala shoots out chemicals that manifest as fear, anxiety and doubt. Again, you will be uncomfortable when you reinvent.

You have no model to work from
If you are breaking new ground…for example you are the first in your family to start a business, or you are building something innovative, you will probably make many mistakes and miss many opportunities. Until you have a clear vision or a model to work from you will experience a fair amount of disappointment, frustration or fear.

Here’s the good news: The subconscious can and will solve any problem if you know how to direct it. Here are some quick solutions:

1. Read books like “The Answer” and “The Master Key System” so you can learn more about how the brain and the subconscious mind works.
2. Join a mastermind where you can tap into the ideas of other successful people who may have different talents and a bigger point of view with no emotional attachment.

3. Remind yourself that when it comes to growth, comfort is not a requirement.

Go here to see more about joining the SYD Mastermind.

Don’t Confuse Where You Are With Who You Are

The economy is bad.

You didn’t make enough money last year.

This  year isn’t looking much better.

How will you get clients?

You feel insecure; uncertain.

You wonder if you have what it takes.

DRAMA is any obstacle to your peace and prosperity.  When your thinking or your circumstances become your drama, it is time to CLEAR THE FOG and reinvent.
Reinvention can take the form of an action, a mental shift, an attitude, a decision or a physical transformation.

I want to encourage you to reinvent your identity.

Reinvent Your Identity
One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle says that what you identify with will eventually cause you pain. Do you identify yourself as a business owner; as one who has a lot of money, as a mother, or as beautiful?

Don’t confuse WHERE You are, with WHO you are.

So you feel insecure. So your check book isn’t what you think it should be.  Don’t be tempted to start making up stories about yourself or using the economy to make excuses not to be successful.

Beating yourself up or blaming circumstances is the unconscious path of least resistance.  LIVE above the LINE of blame and resentment and make a conscious choice that you will not define yourself by your mistakes, your learning curve or your circumstances.

When you start to drift into the fog and the murky waters of head drama, take charge immediately. I have a few mantras I have created for you.

• I am not my drama
• This is just WHERE I am, not WHO I am
• This too shall pass
• I’m  smart, I’ll figure it out

As T Harv. Eker says in his book, The Millionaire Mind,

Rich people are bigger than their problems.
Poor people are smaller than their problems.

Tell yourself the truth. You are a creator.  Creators are resourceful, they ask for help, they are innovative. Creators don’t blame the economy nor do they “wait on the economy” to get better before they act. Creators find a way to learn from the mistakes and circumstances and the result is growth.

You are always bigger than your problems. You will take full responsibility for your situation and one day you will be able to use this experience to help someone else who also needs to be reminded that where you are is not who you are.

It Takes Two to Play Games

If you are not careful it slaps you upside the head. The negative comment intended to pull your strings. It’s only a problem if it catches you off guard and without thinking you snap. You use sarcasm. Or worse, you laugh because you won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing the string-pulling worked.

when I did corporate training, several  years ago, a participant said that a co-worker likes to pull her strings by saying things like, “There are people saying bad things about you but I can’t tell you who said it or what they said.”

I told her to remember this tip: It takes two to play games unless you are playing solitaire. Don’t waste your energy on this kind of negativity. You must realign and reinvent a new response.

We came up with some responses that she could try the next time it happened: “Well, some people are also talking about you…I wonder if it is the same person?”

Another option is, “Well, you should know better than to listen to everything that you hear.”

Yet another response is to not take it too seriously by saying, “You know, her opinion is absolutely  none of my business.”

This will throw the other person off guard and stop the game playing.

There are dozens of responses that help you get back your power. You get to be a creator and design the response that best represents the new you.

I Once Was Blind, But Now I See

You got offended.  You got irritated. You became frustrated. You dread the conversation. You hide how you really feel.  You walk on egg shells,  say nice things to manipulate, say “yes” when you’d rather say “no.”

You wish he would change. You wish she saw things differently.

You fear rejection. You don’t ask for the sale.

You have an idea…you keep it to yourself.

You feel inauthentic. You feel tired.

If only circumstances were different.

If he wasn’t so stubborn, if she wasn’t so stupid, if you had more courage you wouldn’t feel what you feel.

Here’s the truth. All drama boils down to two things: Who you think you are and who you think someone else is.

I didn’t say “who you are” and “who they are.”

I said, who you THINK they are and who you THINK  you are.  It’s all about the way you see yourself and others that creates harmony or drama.

Most of the time our thinking blinds us so that we cannot really SEE. When you SEE it you can believe it.

SEE yourself differently and notice what happens. SEE  someone else differently and listen for a different response. Try it and let me know what  happens.

Do you CHOOSE to Be Offended?

I’ve never before called in to a radio station to share my point of view but today the topic was so compelling I just had to add my 2 cents.

The DJ said once when he was at a mandatory staff meeting his boss said, ‘You can only be offended if you choose to be offended.’

“I just can’t wrap my head around that,” the DJ said.   He invited callers to voice their opinions and I couldn’t wait.

Is “Being Offended” a Choice?
When something someone says “triggers you,” and you feel offended, it is not a choice at all but a reaction.

Your  reactions come from your belief systems, thinking, and programming.   The good news is that when you notice the feeling of being offended, this is the opportunity to then make a choice. The feeling of being offended is not the choice. The opportunity to change your thinking or your response is the choice.

In order for choice to take place, one must first have AWARENESS. Being aware of the feeling is the first piece. If you react again and again to the same thing, this means you are “unconscious” and in a state of reaction.  (Most of us live our lives unconsciously. We have not examined our beliefs or our feelings. We simply respond to the circumstances and people around us. )

Once you notice your feeling, THEN you can decide how to respond. Once you know how to respond, you can realign and reinvent a new way of “being” when the opportunity presents itself.

Do you confront immediately? Do you stay silent? Do you laugh along with the offender?

You may need to experiment with various options.  Most of us have certain defense mechanisms that also are reactions instead of conscious choices.

For example,  (I used this one on the radio show) let’s say you know that I’m not very good at directions…north, south, east and west.  Let’s say that I’m also very sensitive about it and you know this about me.  Suppose we are  in the midst of a group of friends and I am late and you can tell that I’m embarrassed.   You think it would be funny to say, “Hey what happened, did you get lost in traffic?” then  you make a few jokes about me and everyone laughs.   I feel offended and angry that you made a joke at my expense.

My “being offended” only comes because I am sensitive and I perceive that you are making fun of me.  In your mind, you may just be teasing and you don’t think any less of me because of my directional challenges.

Unless I am able to quit judging myself, so that I’m no longer offended by the joke…or unless I am willing to let you know that I don’t like what you are doing, you will continue to make these kinds of jokes and I will continue to suffer.

There is a tiny space between our perception of a circumstance and our response to it. The magic is in developing that sensitivity to become aware so that we do indeed have choices to either change our thinking or change our automatic responses.

So, it is in our awareness of being offended that we get the OPPORTUNITY to choose. The choice is never there until awareness comes.

Reinvent a New Identity

Most of us define ourselves by our careers, our money, status, physical beauty or wealth. The problem with this type of definition is that you lose your identity when you lose the career, money, status, beauty and wealth. Then the question becomes, “Who am I without my _________(fill in the blank.) Most of us don’t know who we are outside of our jobs, our roles or our possessions, status, health and beauty.

Many people are experiencing this “IDENTITY DRAMA” right now because of the changes we are forced to make in the state of economic uncertainty.

The challenges we face in our world right now REQUIRE us to REINVENT a  new identity…one that will sustain us in the storm and shape the world to come.

What if in creating a  new identities we could actually change the world?

Jim Carey said on the Oprah show  that he defines himself in three words: “I am Love.”

Can you see how this belief would make you behave around others? If you define yourself as “I am love” then how do you

• Respond to criticism
• Treat yourself
• Treat others
• Interact with your children
• Deal with customers

Can you see how the way you define yourself makes all the difference? Everyday even if we don’t intend to, we answer the question, “who am I?”

We answer the “Who am I” question,  in our behaviors, in our words, and in our moment-by-moment choices.

Here’s the challenge: Pick a new way of BEING to define yourself then “act as if” that is who you believe you are. Here are some choices to get the juices flowing:

• I am lighthearted
• I am intelligent
• I am  secure
• I am joyous
• I am a child of God
• I am wise
• I am a problem-solver
• I am creative
• I am compassionate

Think about this new identity and set an intention to “BE” this new identity when you are in an argument with someone, when dealing with a potential client and with your friends and family. Please let me know what words you decide on to define yourself, and share your declaration with the world by posting below.

PS…please sign up for the SYD Signature Series where we will be discussing these important issues that will help us all be the change we want to see in the world.

Skills for a Successful and Happy Life

From my experience as a speaker and consultant, it seems that striving for success creates much unnecessary drama. The image that comes to mind for me is rowing with all of your might to get to an island that never appears. When do I get there? How do I get there faster? What if someone else gets there first? If there is drama in the boat, getting to the island isn’t going to be much better.

With that in mind, here are five skills that will make your success journey one worth savoring.

1. Define success
2. Seek and experience joy
3. Take care of yourself
4. Master your beliefs
5. Own your choices

Define success
One of my favorite authors, Eckhart Tolle has some great insights about success. He says, “Don’t let a mad world tell you success is anything other than a successful present moment.”  One of his most profound teachings is the concept that you cannot become successful, you can only “be” successful. What if you take the success question off the table and you declare that you are already successful? When you are free to “be” you start living in the flow and you can really experience success versus strive for it.

Seek and experience joy

No matter what your accomplishments or achievements, you can’t experience success if you are unhappy. For two years I have researched happiness and success and I ask the question “what is heaven on earth?”   It is surprising that the number one answer (over 70% of all people surveyed) say time with family and friends is heaven on earth. Vacations is a close second and third on the list with over 50 percent say reading a good book or eating a good meal. The fact is, you can create a little heaven on earth every single day.

Take care of yourself

If you aren’t healthy and happy you can’t contribute at work or at home. When you travel by air, the air, the attendants always tell you “In case of emergency put your own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else.” It seems counterproductive in our fast paced world, but taking regular breaks including taking a lunch away from your desk promotes productivity. According to Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz in their business book, “The Power of Full Engagement” the body requires rest and recovery every 90 minutes. If you are skipping regular breaks you are not doing anyone any favors. In addition workaholism is an addictive habit that gets you hooked on adrenaline overload which contributes to a reduced immune system and illness.

Master Your Beliefs

The reason you may be working without breaks is because you are listening to the lies you tell yourself.  You have habitually allowed thoughts like, “I don’t have time to take a break, “or “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done”  While there might be a kernel of truth (as there is in every victim story) the reality is, if you died tomorrow the world would go on.

The reality is you need to learn how to say “no” and you might need to delegate. One thing is for certain, if you master your beliefs you can catch yourself when you get sucked into the tribal mentality of “there’s no time” or ” no one will help me.”

Own Your Choices

The best way to “be” successful is to become completely responsible for your choices. This means no complaining, no blaming, no manipulation and no explaining. This means you must be willing to give up a few things. You must be willing to give up the need for others to always agree or understand. You must be willing to quit explaining why you didn’t step up or why something isn’t working. You must also be willing to stop saying and doing things just to get approval.

When you become the master at these five skills you will have plugged the leak, stopped the drama and you will be in the flow and loving your successful life.  Get your copy of Success is a Given Here.