Five Questions to Help You Release Resistance

October 7, 2009

I often talk about releasing resistance as part 7 of my Stop Your Drama Methodology. So, what is resistance? It is the non acceptance of what is.

Resistance shows up in complaints, excuses and regrets,  not to mention mind drama. You can hear resistance when someone says, “yes but…” or when someone talks about what “should” have happened or how life is not fair.  Much of the time resistance is a reaction to unwanted change or to the perception of losing control.

Even with this  checklist, resistance is still very difficult to recognize.

Most of us are totally unaware of getting trapped in resistance patterns because it’s so natural. Even when opportunities come or good things happen we often resist.

Here’s an example. I had a national speaking engagement and was set up for about 40 people; however my topic was apparently of interest to about 120 people.

Once the meeting planner saw that the room was over-flowing, without giving me much notice, he announced, “We are changing your session to meet in the big ball room.”

My immediate reaction was resistance:  “No! We can just move extra chairs in here.”

“There’s not enough room,” he said as he grabbed my computer and headed out the hall and down the elevator.

My resistant thought patterns were

  • But…I have done so much work and now it’s for nothing
  • I won’t be able to do the games and interactions in a big room
  • We should just stick to the plans
  • I didn’t prepare for a general session (in other words, it’s not fair to change things without lots of notice.)

As you can see, I was trapped into resistance because I was so attached to the picture I had in my mind. I was also attached to all the hard work of setting up a room for a mini-workshop and immediately I had to switch my mind to general session.

For people who are not speakers, there is a big difference in the delivery of a general session versus a breakout session.

Then, I realized the gift I was being given. I was attracting triple the number of audience members, yet my initial reaction was one of resistance.

Here is a checklist to help you recognize resistance.

  1. How often do you shoot down an idea with the word, “but”
  2. What are you so attached to that you fail to see opportunities?
  3. What could be good about the changes you are facing?
  4. Are you willing to be flexible to work as a team?
  5. What do you have to do to enable yourself to see the good even in the chaos of unexpected change?

Join me for the upcoming virtual training on how to release resistance!


Tit for Tat Equals Drama

February 2, 2009

Before I was transformed by the SYD  methodology I used to get into a fair amount of relationship drama. Someone would do something to me then I would try to find a way to “pay them back.”

Many people still believe in “pay backs.” In fact, I heard a man say the other day, “Everyone understands pain,” as a way to justify playing “tit for tat.”

In other words, since you did this to me (tat) I will do that (tit) to you…tit for tat.

One way to keep the drama brewing is to play “tit for tat.”

Sure…it’s human nature to say, “I want him to know how it feels…”

This kind of attitude only justifies the game-playing. (In your personal life it spells divorce, in your professional  life it could mean a  lawsuit.

This kind of drama occupies your mind, puts you back in the fog, and takes you completely off of your goal.

Although this sounds like “relationship advice” in reality it is business advice.

Drama is anything that is an obstacle to your peace and prosperity.

Think about how much more you could get done if your mind was focused on  your goal instead of what someone did to you?imagerower

Here is a tip to stop the drama: Let your choices be based on who you are not on what everyone else is doing. Keep you eyes on the island. Keep rowing. Don’t look back and spend precious time telling everyone what someone did.

Another way of saying it is, let your choices be based on how you want to represent yourself and not on what others should have done, or have done to you.

To your integrity…

Register for the SYD Signature Calls where we discuss how clarity can change any situation.


Clear the Fog: How Distraction Turns to Drama

January 20, 2009

Sometimes you look at your life and wonder how you could have so many ideas and so little success in reaching the goal. It seems so easy in your head doesn’t it? If you are an entrepreneur at heart you know exactly what I’m talking about.

You are a visionary. You visualize the idea and it seems easy in your  head. In fact it even seems real.  (You could probably even teach a class on visualization.)

The Sparkling Island of Opportunity

Then after starting the project, or trying to implement the idea you  either lose interest or become exhausted and lose the initial momentum. You feel cluttered, confused and disappointed in yourself.  This is your dirty little secret as an entrepreneur.

What has really happened is you got distracted by “the Sparkling Island.” While you were busy rowing to your Original Island, you saw something interesting that looked like opportunity.

You lied to yourself and said, “I will only look for a moment.” Before you know it you got completely off course headed 180 degrees in a different direction.

We all know about the Opportunity distraction. But..do you recognize the other distractions? What about when you get distracted looking at someone else and their success?  What about when someone does you wrong and you become obsessed about it?

Distraction Turns Into Drama

Eventually and without warning I can GUARANTEE the distraction will turn into DRAMA. Let me explain.

You go to a BLUEPRINT coaching program to the tune of $5000 and you meet all kinds of people whom you assume are MORE successful than you. So you think about it. It occupies your mind for several days. This leads to comparison, which leads to judgment or assumption which ends up in mind drama. You just wasted mind energy on something that has nothing to do with your life or your goals and now you end up feeling bad about yourself so it hurts your self confidence and you are  afraid to make that follow up call.  Recognize it?

Or, someone does you wrong. You get resentful. Your mind is preoccupied about it so you call a friend to tell your story. They take your side as you rehash the story three or four times.  Your resentment has turned into gossip as you try to get agreement about how right you are. This turns into some sort of plan to get revenge. (You tell everyone how bad your VA was and why they should not be hired.) Then you justify your own bad behavior and now you lose a little respect for yourself. You  just spend valuable time and mind energy on something that will not get you closer to your island. In fact by now you are probably stuck on a rock and blaming the person who did you wrong.

That is why it is so important to CLEAR THE FOG every day so you stay focused on what really matters. It’s called releasing resistance by LIVING ABOVE THE Line, a tool I share in my SYD Signature Process.


What to Do When You Are Out of the Flow

December 9, 2008

I often talk about “reading the signs” and what I mean by that is not “woo woo” but about increased levels of awareness. With increased levels of awareness or (consciousness) you can make simple shifts to bring you more into that good feeling flow.

Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of themes emerging from those who feel out of sync…out of the flow…a bit hopeless or depressed.

I even found myself feeling that way recently and was surprised at an old pattern resurfacing. I thought I had mastered the “inner game.”

After all, in the end it’s all about alignment; your inner game and feeling of connectedness.

I’ve “read the signs” for myself about WHY I get out of the flow and thought these five signs might be of help to you too.
1. I’m  not telling myself the complete truth
2. I’m not meeting my basic needs
3. I have traded “virtual” reality for “physical reality.”
4. My attitude has slipped into negativity
5. My habits are becoming my master instead of my servant

Telling the truth

It’s so easy to put a smiley face on an empty gas tank.  I think most of us are afraid to tell ourselves the truth when we feel lousy, but staying in denial only prolongs it.  When you feel bad, just admit it and go right to non-resistance. Then  you open the “portal” for change.

Meeting basic needs

When I skip sleep, exercise or good nutrition, it’s just a matter of time before I start feeling a little disconnected.  The biggest victim story that I hear over and over is “I don’t have time.”  I used to “lie” to myself about that too.  Now I know what Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) says is true: It’s about sharpening the saw. To skip out on “sawing logs” will have you sawing logs with a rusty dull saw.

Virtual reality versus physical reality

I love the Internet and the connections and friends I make on Face Book, Ning, and WordPress but when I forget to get out there in public and mix and mingle, or even call a friend on the phone I get completely out of touch with life.  When I’m feeling depressed I always cheer up to go to a networking meeting or social event.

Attitude

What you think about expands. Attitude is everything but trust me, you simply can’t keep your attitude in check when you are exhausted and your body is full of fat and sugar.  When the little gremlins start taking over the conversation in your head, go backwards and see if you have made the errors already talked about in the previous steps:  You aren’t being honest about  your situation, you are  not meeting your basic needs and you are addicted to your computer and sacrificing your physical, real-life relationships.

Habits: Master or Servant

I can just visualize it…your five year old comes and says “let’s Play” and you say, “be quiet, I’m trying to build relationships…”  Why do we forget that technology should be our servant instead of our master?

I’m as guilty as the next person. There’s always one more thing to learn. There’s Twitter, Squidoo, Animoto, Mind Movies, Face Book, Ning and the list continues to grow. Let’s face it we will never keep up with all of it.  Learning is fun but when it becomes a compulsion it’s a problem.

In the end it’s all about the inner game and we teach what we need to learn.  Living the “Stop  Your Drama” methodology keeps me honest and in alignment.


Mind Control For the Bail Out Blues

October 8, 2008

Well…the big bail out didn’t work and now everyone is freaking out. Goes to show the effect of bad judgment. We collectively get to see what the proverbial “ripple effect” looks like on a global perspective. It’s not just about us any more.

If you haven’t noticed, we are all playing in the same sand box. In USA Today the headline on the front page says,’ As fear, panic spread, global markets dive.

Japan’s Nikkei stock average plummeted, Russia, France, UK and Germany felt the  hit too.If we don’t get a measure of discipline, we are all going to spiral out of control.

Calm Down Keep Rowing

Keep Rowiing

Here’s a suggestion to keep you rowing in the midst of the tidal waves.

Get Control of Your MIND

It’s time to throw in a dash of discipline with some good old mind control. Letting your thoughts  go haywire with future predictions, worry and doom and gloom only add to the global misery as is evident in the front page of every major magazine. Here are 5 Mind Mistakes to Avoid in Tough Times.

Mind Mistake #1 I have the right to worry

You do have the right to worry but it is a mistake to take advantage of this option.The reason is worry doesn’t contribute to the solution. Worry can make you sick and worry breeds more negativity.  Already USA Today reports stress is up 50-60%, irritability is at an all time high and fatigue and sleeplessness is reaching an all time high as well. Getting SICK does not solve your problem…it only makes it worse.

Mind Mistake #2 This is all the Government’s fault

While it’s easy to cast blame and point fingers, there is a bigger picture to observe. All of us have a responsibility to select representatives to our government who look out for our best interests. The more personal responsibility we are individually ready to assume, the less likely we will be faced with these kinds of problems. Each person must take this situation as a wake up call to be more alert and pro-active. We are all in this together.

Mind Mistake #3 I can’t help how I feel

Although unwanted circumstances influence how you feel, you can shift how you feel. On a physical level, to feel your very best you must take care of yourself, eat healthy, exercise, and get your sleep. On a mental or emotional level you must master your mindset.

Emotions are the body’s reaction to the mind. Your thoughts trigger your emotions, not the other way around. Thought always comes first. Most people are just unaware of their thoughts. The only thing you ever totally have control over is your own sense of well-being. Ultimately you are responsible for your feelings.

Mind Mistake #4 There is One Ultimate Right Decision

Why are so many of us rushing to make someone wrong? Every time someone disagrees with the other side, fingers start pointing and tongues start wagging.  It’s all drama. Our country was built around the option to voice different opinions. We should all be more concerned about mob mentality. Let’s support those working on our behalf and lets look for blind spots in ourselves and others who are too quick to have the final answer.

Mind Mistake #5 When this is finally over I can be at peace

You don’t have to wait to be peaceful. You can be peaceful right now. You can practice releasing in each moment. Gary Zukav says “Stress is the consequence of resistance to your life.” When we resist what is, we create more stress. When you relax into acceptance, you can then reclaim your peace.

Eckhart Tolle says, “Listen to people’s stories, and you’ll find that they could all be entitled “Why I Cannot Be at Peace Now.” The ego doesn’t know that your only opportunity for being at peace is now.”

Take a deep breath. Take control. Ride the storm. Get present.  “The Drama Stops Here.”

Sign up for The Drama Stops Here to get more Drama Stopping Ideas during these challenging times.


Financial Frenzy Drama Got You Worried?

October 2, 2008

Reclaim Your Power with these Four Steps

Sick and tired of the wall-street-financial-frenzy-bailout DRAMA? It’s easy to let negative news suck you into a whirlwind of fear and frenzy. It’s easy to forget that your number one job in the face of an apparent crisis is to take care of yourself.

You can’t take care of yourself or make good decisions when you panic, think irrationally or let your energy drain with useless chatter about how bad things are.  These four action steps help you reclaim your power.

1. Master your mindset

2. Master your inner dialogue

2. Become a creator

3. Focus

Master your mindset

Get control of your mind instead of letting it control you. Excessive exposure to the daily news is unnecessary, as is obsessive conversations about the current situation. Think about how much productivity and wasted time is due to fear and projection about future doom and gloom.

1. Set a time to catch the news, and then go about your life.

2. Refuse to get into mind games about future problems

3. Become an observer instead of a participant.

4. Practice deep breathing, exercise and other positive outlets

Master your inner dialogue

Everyone has an inner dialogue. Scientists say we think about 60,000 thoughts per day and over 85-90 percent of them are either repetitive or negative. Probably most of us are experiencing a background noise that sounds something like this

  • I might lose my job
  • What if I can’t retire when I want
  • Our government is corrupt
  • They better get something done

And so on it goes. None of these thoughts are constructive.  A good way to start gaining power is to master your communication. The best advice is to create a mantra so that you can rewire your brain.  Here are some good ones.

  • All of my needs are met
  • This too shall pass
  • Nothing lasts forever, not even problems

Completely eliminate statements such as “that’s not fair” or “this always happens to me.” Instead, face what is and make wise decisions. When someone else starts a conversation that triggers your fear, you can get drawn into the addiction or you can simply say, “the drama stops here,” and you can refuse to spiral down.

Become a Creator

Victims feel that they have no choices, while creators always look for the opportunity, the lesson or the options. To learn how to respond rather than react, recognize your choices so that you are prepared for any unfortunate situation.

1. Talk to your financial planner

2. List the areas where you would be willing to scale down if need be

3. Register to vote

4. Brush up your resume

5. Make a list of your skills, talents and experiences

6. Make a list of all of your blessings and opportunities

Being proactive makes you feel a sense of control instead of a sense of panic. In addition, reminding yourself of all that you have already created for yourself is a great mood booster and a reminder that you can create what ever is necessary to move forward.

Focus

Keeping your attitude in check is good for your health and increases your personal productivity. Too much negativity produces stress, anxiety and illness. Even recalling an angry experience for as much as five minutes, suppresses the immune system for as much as six hours. Imagine what happens to your attitude and your health when you watch CNN all day long and hear nothing but negativity.

Attitudes of appreciation increase circulation and promote regular heart rhythms. Which do you want? Only you can choose what you focus on.  Here are some tips for focus.

1. Instead of complaining, ask for what you want or make a new decision.

2. Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.

3. Instead of projecting into the future, focus on the now.

4. Separate fact from fiction

5. When researching, listen to all points of view rather than being closed minded.

Instead of following mob mentality, focus on getting the facts. It’s easy to listen to someone you admire, whether it’s Rush Limbaugh, your preacher or your dad. Be your own authority and look at all sides of an issue so that you don’t get off focus and swept up in the tidal waves of negativity. Remind yourself that there may be a bigger picture than what is immediately apparent.

Get a free handout with this article (found on the front page of the Stop Your Drama Website). The article includes The 5 Mind Mistakes that will keep you stuck!

=============================================================

How do you know if DRAMA is manifesting in your life?  Click here to get a free e-lesson about how to identify and stop drama.



Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.