Five Questions to Help You Release Resistance

I often talk about releasing resistance as part 7 of my Stop Your Drama Methodology. So, what is resistance? It is the non acceptance of what is.

Resistance shows up in complaints, excuses and regrets,  not to mention mind drama. You can hear resistance when someone says, “yes but…” or when someone talks about what “should” have happened or how life is not fair.  Much of the time resistance is a reaction to unwanted change or to the perception of losing control.

Even with this  checklist, resistance is still very difficult to recognize.

Most of us are totally unaware of getting trapped in resistance patterns because it’s so natural. Even when opportunities come or good things happen we often resist.

Here’s an example. I had a national speaking engagement and was set up for about 40 people; however my topic was apparently of interest to about 120 people.

Once the meeting planner saw that the room was over-flowing, without giving me much notice, he announced, “We are changing your session to meet in the big ball room.”

My immediate reaction was resistance:  “No! We can just move extra chairs in here.”

“There’s not enough room,” he said as he grabbed my computer and headed out the hall and down the elevator.

My resistant thought patterns were

• But…I have done so much work and now it’s for nothing
• I won’t be able to do the games and interactions in a big room
• We should just stick to the plans
• I didn’t prepare for a general session (in other words, it’s not fair to change things without lots of notice.)

As you can see, I was trapped into resistance because I was so attached to the picture I had in my mind. I was also attached to all the hard work of setting up a room for a mini-workshop and immediately I had to switch my mind to general session.

For people who are not speakers, there is a big difference in the delivery of a general session versus a breakout session.

Then, I realized the gift I was being given. I was attracting triple the number of audience members, yet my initial reaction was one of resistance.

Here is a checklist to help you recognize resistance.

1. How often do you shoot down an idea with the word, “but”
2. What are you so attached to that you fail to see opportunities?
3. What could be good about the changes you are facing?
4. Are you willing to be flexible to work as a team?
5. What do you have to do to enable yourself to see the good even in the chaos of unexpected change?

Snapshot of Resistance

The word “Resistance” is new in the business world.  The definition I use is any negativity or “non-acceptance of what is.”   Here’s an easy visual. Feel free to share it with your team, your boss and your associates.

You and your team are in a rowboat productively rowing to the island called profits. Then, the boat springs a leak.

Rower #1 says, “Who’se fault is it anyway?”

Rower #2 says, “I knew this would happen! This sucks!”

Rower #3 says, “I fixed it last time and I’m not doing it this time.”

Rower #4 says, “It is your fault, Rower #2. I warned you to check out the boat.”

Rower #2 says, “Yes, and I told you that you chose the wrong boat maker to begin with.”

Rower #3 says, “I’m stupid to trust any of you to do what you are supposed to do.”

Rower #1 says, “You are all idiots and this is not fair, but let me fix it anyway.

Then Rower #1 thinks says secretly to himself, “I will fix it but I will never help again. I am not willing to row any harder, I am not willing to give any second chances and I have a right to feel how I feel.

This is resistance.  Productivity is lost. Tempers flair. Fingers point. Instead of plugging the leak, pitching in, working as a team, and looking at the systems, resistance got the best of the rowers. Is resistance getting the best of you? Where would you be without your drama?

Join me for the Release Resistance Training at www.stopyourdrama.us.

Increase Productivity by Releasing Resistance

You’ve surely felt it before.
Your clients resist purchasing.
You employees resist your leadership.
Your spouse resists your ideas.

Maybe you even resist a few things.
You resist looking at your numbers.
You resist looking at the Employee drama,
or you resist dealing with an irritable client.

What causes resistance?

Fear, disagreement, lack of understanding
and navigating through change.

Perhaps you “feel” the resistance in our world
right now because of the massive changes and fears.

Resistance always creates high stress and “DRAMA”
which is what I define as an obstacle to your
peace and prosperity.

The end result of resistance is
feeling stuck, increased negativity,
exhaustion, overwork, anxiety, and
lower productivity.

Whether you are a leader trying to
influence your staff, or sales professional
offering new services to your client,
you must know how to identify resistance
so you can “release the resistance”
and navigate through the change.

Many try will-power, behavioral solutions,
and disciplined approaches, only to have a
very short-term fix, leading to anxiety or
even disappointment.

The solution is secondary

Yes, the solution is always secondary to the emotional
and mental energy issues taking place during a period
of resistance.

There is one mind-set that must be activated
before change can take place. You must get
to what I call “The fulcrum point of change.”

For the first time, I’m offering a
two-part webinar on how to “Release Resistance”
and how to tap into the fulcrum point of change.

http://www.stopyourdrama.us

This may be one of the most important personal
and professional development tools you will ever
acquire. The knowledge you take from this
content-packed program can be used in your
personal and your professional life.

Who Should Attend?

*You are successful but want to maximize your energy
*You are ready to reinvent in some area of your business
*You want new methods to increase sales
*You enjoy learning cutting edge information
*You are comfortable exploring new methodologies
*You sometimes struggle with low energy and feel “tapped out”
*You are in the midst of a “power struggle” at home or at work
*You want to boost your confidence and self-esteem
*You want your relationships and communication to improve
*Ready for a challenge and a change

To see more about this program please go to this link.

http://www.stopyourdrama.us

Or you can download the audio (it’s 4 minutes long) about the program here.

Prescription to Relieve the Pain of Failure

Take 2 Tsp of resentment and equal parts justification.

Find someone to blame for your situation.

Tell your story to someone who will readily agree.

Relief should happen immediately.

Symptoms of taking this drug include the tendency to always be right, the need to repeat the story to others,
being seen as a bore, relationship problems and trouble on the job.

If you experience any of the above symptoms go to http://www.stopyourdrama.com and take a dose of personal responsibility.

Warning: The taste can be quite bitter, and may be difficult to swallow, but taking a daily dose of personal responsibility will cure chronic addiction to the blame elixer and will eliminate the need to blame or tell stories.

It’s Not About the Solution

No matter what your problem, it’s never really about the solution… at first. That’s why I won’t be disappointed with you when you don’t take my advice, or when you do take my advice and it doesn’t work for you.

Haven’t you ever wondered why there are so many people who keep paying for coaching, going to workshops, seeking answers only to be stranded on the same island they started on?

When someone offers up a solution to you and it doesn’t work, it’s not because the solution isn’t a good one, it’s because on some level you are not clear that you agree. Or you are not clear that you really want the solutions say you want.

(I know because I’ve bought many template or blueprint programs only to become disinterested once the purchase was made.)

I see many consultants and coaches getting stressed because they don’t understand that it isn’t really about their solution. It is not really about convincing the client to actually implement advice they paid for.

It’s easy to make the assumption that just because someone paid for our advice there is no resistance. You make their resistance worse if you get too attached to them taking your advice. It becomes YOUR goal instead of THEIR goal.

When you get attached to someone else’s outcome, it’s only because you have a judgment about what they SHOULD be doing because your own ego is attached.

If there’s resistance on the part of the client, that resistance needs to be drilled down until you find willingness.

In part 7 of my Stop Your Drama Methodology I call willingness “The Fulcrum Point of Change.” Until there is willingness, nothing else happens, even if you give them the blueprint and weekly consulting.

Let’s face it, if it was all about the “how to” all the world’s problems could be solved at the public library and an accountability partner. Look at all the books out there on making money, finding love, building a business and losing weight.

The “how to” is already in place. What is not in place is clarity. When you get clear about who you are and what you want, you will get it.

If you are not clear about who you are and what you want you will learn through contrast. Another name for contrast is “pain.” You will discover that which you don’t want and then from that place you will eventually find your clarity.

The clarity may be to move forward and take the consultant’s advice. The clarity may be to reject the advice and move in a different direction.

The good news is clarity always comes.

The Drama Happens:Your Drama Teaches

You teach what you need to learn.

That thought gave me comfort after a technical glitch I encountered during one of my Signature Series Tele-seminars.

Yep…I punched the wrong button and muted myself.

After all the work to write the copy, prepare for the program, invite the guests, only to disappoint.

The Drama happens, but YOUR DRAMA is always a teacher.  Here are four things I had the opportunity to learn because of my mistake!

1. The Drama happens
2. Your Drama is your teacher
3. Building relationships requires risk
4. In the end it’s all about trust

The Drama Happens
You’ve heard me say “The Drama” is what happens in the gap.  Any time you are working on a goal you have a gap…where you are versus where you want to be.

Things often go wrong in the gap. Your boat springs a leak. You get stuck on the rock. (You plan on hosting a tele-seminar but you screw up. You lose the call or press the wrong button. ) It is what it is. The problem is when you create resistance for yourself in the gap. When you are fortunate enough to notice the resistance you can still benefit from “The Drama” because you now have a teacher.

Your Drama is Your Teacher
There’s a difference between “The Drama” and “Your Drama.”  “The Drama” is the unwanted  situation, “Your Drama” is your reaction to the unwanted situation.  Eckhart Tolle (one of my favorite authors) says if you want to know how conscious you are, look at how you react when things don’t go  your way.

Ouch! I have to admit I was mad at myself.  I had a “drama” reaction. (It wasn’t really that big, and it only lasted three minutes.)  I was able to give my listeners the recording but nonetheless, I did experience a fair amount of resistance. I didn’t like the idea of my listeners see me make a big mistake, even if the call was a freebie. I pride myself on “delivering” and being professional.  I also pride myself on being able to be authentic in relationships so this leads to my next point.

Building Relationships Require Risk
You have to let people in if you want a real relationship.  You have to be willing to be human; to make mistakes and to tell the truth instead of blame your mistakes on something else when it really was your fault. (I so wanted to find someone or SOMETHING to blame,) but not this time. I knew it was me.

If you want others to trust you, you have to be willing to own your good, your bad and your ugly. You have to let people who view you as “the teacher” see that you still have lessons to learn too.

In fact, if you are really really really teaching you will find that you teach what you need to learn and life gives you the opportunity to own it if you are willing to trust.

In the End, it’s all About Trust
If you are willing to trust that everything happens, happens for your good, you can immediately release resistance. If you trust your clients and do right by them, they also will stand by you. Perhaps that’s why I had so many who had signed up for the call give me a note of thanks to get the link. And, perhaps the relationship and trust is the reason so many of my callers were holding out and hanging on a dead mute line for over 23 minutes.

I’m grateful for life’s lessons and the community of friends and clients who are living and learning the SYD Methodology.

What are you resisting?

You can wish.

You can hope.

You can even beat around the bush, manipulate or hint, but until you learn how to release your resistance nothing is going to change.

Resistance always shows up in our attachments, which by the way are our “real” commitments.

See if you are attached to

• your beliefs
• your comfort zone
• your thinking
• your ideas
• Someone else’s approval
• Looking good

How you know you are attached is when someone contributes an idea. Your response

• That would be way to uncomfortable.
• My __________would think I’m crazy.
• I’d be way too embarrassed.
• I would look stupid.
• I’m afraid they would say, “no.”

So here’s the question.

Are you willing to be uncomfortable?
Are you willing to look stupid?
Are you willing to let your ______(fill in the blank) think you are crazy?
Are you willing to be embarrassed?
Are you willing to hear them say “no?”

Release the need for all that doesn’t really serve you, reclaim your power, and see the magic happen.

Want to release your resistance? Go to www.stopyourdrama.us