7 Reasons People Lie

People lie as a way to gain pleasure or avoid discomfort. Below are seven examples of little white lies and the reasons behind them.

1. To save face

You blame being “too busy” for being behind on a project rather than admitting you are unorganized.

2. To avoid taking responsibility

You  tell the sales person to call back next week because you don’t want to take responsibility for saying “no.”  When he does call back we tell him it’s “not in our budget,” or “the committee said no.”

3. To avoid confrontation

The fired employee is told  “we are just moving in another direction” instead of telling him his work didn’t measure up.

4. To gain a benefit without paying the price.

You call in sick just to have another day off with pay.

5. For self-protection

You look in the  mirror and say to yourself, “of course you don’t look fat in that outfit” and you say one more helping won’t hurt and I’ll start my diet tomorrow.

6. To influence others

You compliment someone so that they will like you or buy from you. Or, you agree with their point of view even though you secretly disagree.

7. To please others

You laugh at a disgusting joke even though you are offended. You justify your lie by the belief that if they knew you were offended they would have ammunition.

To live honestly in the purest sense of the word may be more of a journey than a destination, and the first step is awareness and introspection.  One reason people lie is that they have not developed the delicate communication skills required to live honestly and still keep the relationship in tact. The way we apply honesty in our lives is a mirror to our character. Derived from the Greek, the word character has come to mean the constellation of strengths and weaknesses that form and reveal who we are. Honesty that is absent of the other character traits such as courtesy, kindness, integrity and self-discipline, can be toxic and truth telling must be delivered with kindness, integrity and with regard to the relationship.

Three Times to Avoid Giving Advice

Nothing creates more drama than giving advice to someone who doesn’t want it or isn’t ready.  More drama happens when you feel such an urge to give advice that is not accepted or respected.  Before giving advice, consider your intentions and look at these three instances where it is best to avoid advice-giving altogether.

1. Never give advice to someone who is visibly angry.
Most of the time people just want agreement or social proof that they are right. Wait until they cool down and make sure they ask for your advice.

2. Never give advice to someone who is extremely happy
If someone is extremely happy with their new book, their new idea, or a new decision, now is not the time to give advice. Most likely they just want your admiration, respect or approval and they are not really open to your critique or suggestions.  Unless you are a paid coach, or are extremely good at asking questions wait until their energy is a little more even keel, otherwise you’ll just be known as the one who popped their bubble.

3. Never give fashion advice unless someone asks for it.
Fashion is a matter of opinion. What business is it of yours if someone wants to wear bleached blonde hair? Unless they bring it up, or unless you are their boss and their job is at stake, keep your opinions to yourself.

Much of the time people just want agreement or support, when they say they want your opinion or feedback. Understand the difference between opinions and advice. Most of the time we pass off our opinions as if it was sacred advice. When people need advice, they will ask for it or pay for it.  If you feel that you must give your unsolicited advice, at least warn the person by asking for permission, then they won’t be blindsided.

Most of the time advice-giving is nothing more than rescuing and manipulation. A good way to know if you have been rescuing is when someone has not taken  your advice and you get angry. It means you are more attached to the other person changing than they are.

What Don’t You Know About You?

A concept that others know things about “me” that I don’t know about myself was first introduced to me in a college class where I learned about the Johari Window.

The Johari Window is a cognitive psychological tool which helps you see youself in comparison with how others see you.

It’s a little disturbing to think that you know who you are, but others see you in a totally different way. Truth is, we all silently think things about each other that we keep to ourselves.

I have come up with five things others may think but  not be willing to tell you. If any of these examples  hit a nerve, read on. The solutions are included.

No one will say to you…

1. You have bad breath

2. You are a bad listener

3. You are boring

4. You are undependable

You have bad breath

When I worked in the factory I was very fond of a particular business unit manager, but I hated it when he came up to talk to me. He had the worst breath. There’s a difference between “garlic” breath and “need to floss” breath.

Everyone knew he needed to floss except for him!

The solution to this one is easy. Ask a couple of trusted friends if you have bad breath, get regular dental cleanings, floss regularly and for goodness sakes, carry some breath mints after eating garlic.

You are a bad listener

Several bad habits come to mind, interruption, lack of eye contact, and distraction. Let’s take the phone for example. You may think you are fooling the other person as you answer e-mails, read through mail, and shuffle papers, but believe me they can “feel” your presence or lack there of.

The solution: Be willing to have the integrity to admit you aren’t listening, and ask them to repeat what they just said. “Mary, I’m sorry. I got distracted and started reading an e-mail. I’m trying to end this habit by calling it out. Please forgive me. Would you repeat what you just said?” Believe me, Mary will be so impressed and I’ll guarantee you will start to change your habit.

You are boring

No one is going to say it, even if they think it. So what makes for an interesting versus boring person? Well, this list is a long one. Let’s look at some things folks might do to bore YOU, then see if any of these also apply to you.

• She talks about herself non-stop.
• He can’t tell a story in less than ten minutes with too many details to count.
• He is dogmatic, narrow minded and opinionated.
• She is negative Nelly.

The solution is about changing habits. Here are four places to start: ask a question, open your mind, be curious and say something positive.

You are undependable

This one can be shocking because you thought you were trustworthy. What makes someone see you as undependable is the following: You don’t return calls or e-mails, you change your appointment when something better comes along, or you forget an appointment altogether. You are always “too busy” and make lots of excuses as to why you can’t do what you say you want to do.

The solution is about awareness. Even if you can’t give an answer to a call or e-mail, simply tell the person you are swamped. Even if your response seems a bit abrupt it’s better than avoidance and can save you a relationship problem later on. Learn some time management skills, or better  yet practice saying a clean and clear “no.”  Do what you say you are going to do. Quit making excuses and simply do what you promised. Only change your schedule when absolutely necessary.

So, here’s the question: What do others know about you that you don’t know about yourself?

was first introduced to me in a college class where I learned about the Johari Window.

a cognitive psychological tool created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, used to help people better understand their interpersonal communication and relationships. Here’s a link if you want to research this concept.

http://www.cps.usfca.edu/324sh/johari.htm

The Johari window helps us understand how we see ourselves in comparison to how others see us. Here’s the deal: Others may know things about you that you will NEVER know because they won’t have the guts to tell you. There are at least 5 things that others will never tell you about yourself. No one is ever going to say…

1. You have bad breath

2. You are a bad listener

3. You are boring

4. You are undependable

Bad Breath

When I worked in the factory I was very fond of a particular business unit manager, but I hated it when he came up to talk to me. He had the worst breath. There’s a difference between “garlic” breath and “need to floss” breath.

Everyone knew he needed to floss except for him! The solution to this one is easy. Ask a couple of trusted friends if you have bad breath, get regular dental cleanings, floss regularly and for goodness sakes, carry some breath mints after eating garlic.

You are a bad listener

Several bad habits come to mind, interruption, lack of eye contact, and distraction. Let’s take the phone for example. You may think you are fooling the other person as you answer e-mails, read through mail, and shuffle papers, but believe me they can “feel” your presence or lack there of.

The solution: Be willing to have the integrity to admit you aren’t listening, and ask them to repeat what they just said. “Mary, I’m sorry. I got distracted and started reading an e-mail. I’m trying to end this habit by calling it out. Please forgive me. Would you repeat what you just said?” Believe me, Mary will be so impressed and I’ll guarantee you will start to change your habit.

Maybe you text when you are on the phone or you read e-mails while talking to a colleague.

You are boring

So what makes for an interesting versus boring person? Well, this list is a long one. Let’s look at some things folks might do to bore you. She talks about herself non-stop. He can’t tell a story in less than ten minutes with too many details to count. He is dogmatic, narrow minded and opinionated. She is negative Nelly. The solutions are simple but not always easy to change habits. Her are four places to start:

ask a question, open your mind, be curious and be positive.

You are undependable

This one can be shocking because you thought you were trustworthy. What makes someone see you as undependable is the following: You don’t return calls or e-mails, you change your appointment when something better comes along, or you forget an appointment altogether. You are always “too busy” and make lots of excuses as to why you can’t do what you say you want to do. The solution is about awareness. Even if you can’t give an answer to a call or e-mail, simply tell the person you are swamped. Even this can save you a relationship problem later on. Learn some time management skills, and do what you say you are going to do. Quit making excuses and simply do what you promised. Only change your schedule when absolutely necessary.

So here’s the question: What is it that other know about you that you don’t know about yourself?

You Can’t Fix Other People

So often the “leak in our boat” gets larger because we take on other people’s problems. The biggest leaks occur when it’s a family member you try to change. You feel compassion. You know the struggles. You try to fix their problems with your advice or your money but some how the patterns keep repeating.

You falsely believe that if you could just do one more thing or if you could just say the RIGHT thing, then they could have a shift. This is a fantasy that has to be addressed.

When people get ready to change they do. Unfortunately it often takes a large amount of pain to help them get there. It’s difficult to sit by and watch anyone, specifically a beloved family member go through trials, but one thing I’ve learned for sure: I am responsible for my inner work and they are responsible for theirs. It’s really that simple.

You must learn how to honor the person and discount the story. The story is the one you tell yourself about their incompetence. The story is the one they keep repeating to you about how broke they are, how unfair life is and how things should not be. You must honor them as one who is capable and honor yourself as one who sees them differently.

You can’t fix anyone else and to deny patterns in your family that are INGRAINED only keeps you smack dab in the middle of denial.

If you are going through anything like this, I want to encourage you to take a deep breath and learn how to be present and loving without “owning” anyone else’s drama.

Go to the Signature Series Calls to learn more about how the DRAMA TRIANGLE and how to master your energy.

Reinvent a New Identity

Most of us define ourselves by our careers, our money, status, physical beauty or wealth. The problem with this type of definition is that you lose your identity when you lose the career, money, status, beauty and wealth. Then the question becomes, “Who am I without my _________(fill in the blank.) Most of us don’t know who we are outside of our jobs, our roles or our possessions, status, health and beauty.

Many people are experiencing this “IDENTITY DRAMA” right now because of the changes we are forced to make in the state of economic uncertainty.

The challenges we face in our world right now REQUIRE us to REINVENT a  new identity…one that will sustain us in the storm and shape the world to come.

What if in creating a  new identities we could actually change the world?

Jim Carey said on the Oprah show  that he defines himself in three words: “I am Love.”

Can you see how this belief would make you behave around others? If you define yourself as “I am love” then how do you

• Respond to criticism
• Treat yourself
• Treat others
• Interact with your children
• Deal with customers

Can you see how the way you define yourself makes all the difference? Everyday even if we don’t intend to, we answer the question, “who am I?”

We answer the “Who am I” question,  in our behaviors, in our words, and in our moment-by-moment choices.

Here’s the challenge: Pick a new way of BEING to define yourself then “act as if” that is who you believe you are. Here are some choices to get the juices flowing:

• I am lighthearted
• I am intelligent
• I am  secure
• I am joyous
• I am a child of God
• I am wise
• I am a problem-solver
• I am creative
• I am compassionate

Think about this new identity and set an intention to “BE” this new identity when you are in an argument with someone, when dealing with a potential client and with your friends and family. Please let me know what words you decide on to define yourself, and share your declaration with the world by posting below.

PS…please sign up for the SYD Signature Series where we will be discussing these important issues that will help us all be the change we want to see in the world.

Reinvent Your Story

So here I was…. I had left a blue collar job where I had worked for over 20 years. I reinvented my life and in a few short years I had delivered speaking engagements to NASA, Sprint, McDonalds and had been the keynote speaker for various professional associations. I developed products purchased by The Detroit Free Press and DTE Energy. Yet, I still felt “unsuccessful.” I hadn’t published a book yet.

The book became the “next island.” The next place to arrive. I compared myself with anyone else who had published.

Everyone Has Challenges

In addition, I was certain this “mind drama” was unique to me. I was sure the most “successful people” never discounted themselves or wondered about their happiness or success. (See how a good story always makes you feel special, different, misunderstood?)

Thank goodness for those highly successful role models willing to share their challenges so we know we are not alone. Just a few weeks ago Oprah talked about the distress she felt because of her weight gain.

Oprah is a role model for society; an example of what is possible. She’s the first African-American billionaire. In 2006 she gave everyone in her studio audience a car and recently donated over 40 million to start the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy in South Africa for low income girls.

She’s wealthy, generous, popular, brilliant and connected. Oprah’s show airs in over 117 countries in the world. She was reading by age 2 and at age 6 she advanced to third grade. No one can argue about Oprah’s success, yet Oprah sometimes judges herself.

In one of her shows she said, “” All my money and success means nothing if I can’t even control my body.”  (I’m paraphrasing.)

Seek a Higher Truth

Maybe that “feels” true in the midst of a personal failure. Let’s now look for a higher truth to eliminate the judgment and the story.

Money and resources do matter. Isn’t it better to have access to money and success to help you handle the problems? And isn’t it a blessing to be able to share your message to empower millions who falsely believe they are alone?

This is not to criticize Oprah. She is my favorite role model…a light in this world. The point here is even spiritual and conscious people doing great things in the world sometimes are susceptible to “the story” and fail to look for a higher truth.

My challenge to you is to examine the places where you beat yourself up and discount your own brilliance, beauty and successes just because you have had a setback. Be careful about justifying your story by saying, “It’s the truth.”

Stories can be quite powerful. In every story, there is a kernel of truth. The challenge is to seek the higher truth so the story loses power and you reclaim yours.

Want to see more about the signature process?

Master Key Mind Basics to Eliminate Suffering

Many people are suffering right now due to the market volatility, unemployment and apparent lack of stability. This suffering manifests in mind patters of worry and anxiety that builds deep grooves in the brain until a new pathway is built into the brain that has you repeating thoughts of doom and gloom.  The more you focus on the problems the more real you make them and the more you trigger toxic chemicals that flow into your blood stream harming your physical health some three months or three years later.  If you want to stop the MIND DRAMA here are three steps.

1. Get control of your body

2. Get control of the mind

3. Visualize

Get control of the body

Until you can make yourself become still you cannot learn to control your mind. Therefore it is imperative that you create a discipline for yourself so you start to understand that you are in charge.  This is the most difficult step for most people because they want a quick fix. They want to “do” something and just getting control of the body is not only boring, it seems like a waste of time. This tip comes from the book, “The Master Key System,” and I quote the exact paragraph for instruction of taking charge of the mind.

“Now make the application: Select a room where you can be alone and undisturbed; sit erect, comfortably but do not lounge; let your thoughts roam where they will but be perfectly still for from fifteen minutes to half an hour; continue this for three or four days or a for a week until you secure full control of your physical being. Many will find this difficult; others will conquer with ease, but it is absolutely essential to secure complete control of the body before you are ready to progress.”

I started this process and have had amazing results. Just the discipline of getting quiet and knowing that I can trust myself to take charge has created a new confidence in my abilities. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstances you begin to feel empowered and in charge.

Get Control of Your Mind

One of my favorite quotes in the Master Key System is “Therefore to control thought is to control circumstances, conditions, environment and destiny.” Most of us know nothing about controlling our thoughts.  Our thoughts are habitual patterns that we repeat over and over. Scientists tell us that we think about 60,000 thoughts per day and over 85 % of those thoughts are repetitive. This is because most of our thinking is due to our subconscious mind that never questions anything but will believe anything we feed it. The way we create habits is by repeating something over and over; therefore the subconscious mind is the seat of habit. If you want to change a habit, you have to “reprogram” the thought in the subconscious mind.

Once you have good habits programmed, your life becomes so much easier because your thinking supports you rather than keeps you in fear and anxiety.

Let’s look at how creating good habits free you from having to think consciously. When you first learned to drive you had to think consciously about how to accelerate, how to focus and how to make a turn. After practicing for several months, driving became automatic and ruled by your subconscious. If you created good driving habits you automatically drive safely.  If you developed bad habits such as running red lights when no one is looking, talking on the cell phone etc. what you do is set yourself up for a problem later on.

The point here is that what ever thoughts are running in the background of your mind are habits that have been developed over time until they became unconscious and habitual. For example  your parents told you to believe certain things and since you didn’t question these beliefs, mind pathways were “grooved” into your brain and became habitual and unconscious.  In order to get control of your mind you must use your conscious mind to make the change until your new thought is ingrained and habitual.

Now you know why you must first get control of the body and get still. When you are on automatic pilot you aren’t able to use the energy of your conscious mind to make the needed change. When you master your mind, you are using your conscious mind to create new mind patters that will replace the old patterns.

The Master Key System explains this second part in detail. “Always take the same room, the same chair and the same position if possible. Now be perfectly still as before, but inhibit all thought; this will give you control over all thoughts of care, worry and fear, and will enable you to entertain only the kind of thoughts you desire. Continue this exercise until you gain complete mastery.  You will not be able to do this for more than a few moments at a time, but the exercise is valuable, because it will be a very practical demonstration of the great number of thoughts which are constantly trying to gain access to your mental world.

Visualize

When you were a kid you used visualization all the time. You pretended to be a pirate or a fairy or you dreamed of the bike you wanted for Christmas. As adults we visualize all the time too but most of the pictures we visualize are of unwanted outcomes or fear of failure. Again, most of our visualization is habitual and from the subconscious mind rather than a conscious effort. There is a difference though in mindless daydreaming and focused visualization.

Focused visualization is where you become the “captain of your ship”  as you head to the island of  your dreams. You consciously think about an intended outcome and focus consciously on the object of your desire until that picture creates a groove in your brain…that vision becomes habitual. What you want to do here is change your negative habits that were created unconsciously, with a positive outcome that you have consciously created.

The Master Key system gives some instruction on how to master the art of visualization. “For your exercise this week, visualize your friend, see him exactly as you last saw him, see the room, the furniture, recall the conversation now see his face. See it distinctly. Now talk to him about some subject of mutual interest; see his expression change, watch hi smile. Can you do this? All right, you can; then arouse his interest. Tell him a story of an adventure, see his eyes light up with the spirit of fun or excitement. Can you do this? If so your imagination is good and you are making excellent progress.

Once you are able to do these three steps you have the foundation to start changing any circumstance in your life. When you are ready to stop the drama and take full responsibility you will make the time and the effort necessary to stop shoveling coal in the boiler room and become the captain of your ship.

Register to get the bi-monthly ezine “The Drama Stops Here.”

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How to Stay Happy in a Bad Economy

Marci Shimoff

By Marci Shimoff

How can I be happy when my home is losing its value, my 401k is going down, and the price of everything else is going up?

That’s a question I hear a lot lately. It seems that as the economy becomes more depressed, so do we.

So what can you do about it? How can you build your happiness bank account amidst tough economic times?

Top happiness researcher Robert Biswas-Diener shared some new insights with me during a recent conversation. While writing Happy for No Reason, I often called upon Robert for his expertise. Known as the “Indiana Jones of positive psychology,” his research has taken him to the far corners of the earth — from the Masai in Africa to seal hunters in Greenland to the poor in Calcutta.

Robert and his father, Ed Diener, one of the preeminent scholars in the field of positive psychology, maintain in their wonderful new book, Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth, that our net worth is comprised of much more than our bank accounts. It includes our psychological wealth, our spiritual connection, our health, and the quality of our social networks.

One surprising finding of Robert’s research is that the homeless in Calcutta are happier than the homeless in America, simply because they have stronger networks of social relationships, which help buffer them against the dire effects of poverty. We get more happiness dividends from our relationships than we do from our dollars.

While the value of the dollar may be in flux, the value of your personal relationships and spiritual connection can always gain equity — if you take the time to nurture them. Robert says the way you spend your discretionary money — and time — affects your happiness level.

Here are two things you can do to add equity to your happiness account:

1. Whenever possible, choose experience over material things. Investing $100 to take Tango lessons with your partner will provide more bang for your buck than spending that same money on a new pair of shoes.
2. Spend your money on social activities rather than solitary ones. If you’re going to buy a cup of coffee at Starbucks or splurge for a pedicure, do so with a friend rather than by yourself. Researchers were surprised to find that even introverts are happier when they’re in social situations.

My parents thankfully understood the importance of these concepts. For instance, they have taken our entire family (three generations) on annual vacations together for the last 20 years. I have memories galore of these fantastic holidays — from watching my parents (in their 80s) play a hilarious game of ping-pong for the first time in 50 years to all of us careening through the jungle on zip lines.

Like the TV commercial says, experiences like these are “priceless”…and they add immeasurable equity to your happiness account.

Marci Shimoff is a celebrated transformational leader and #1 New York Times best-selling author. To learn
more of her powerful techniques for establishing deep and authentic happiness and well-being, visit
http://www.HappyForNoReason.com/

Blessings of a Bad Economy

By Krista Michalowicz

For me and so many of my friends, this is the first time in our adult lives that we have experienced such an economic crisis.  All around me I hear stories of cutting back, friends losing jobs, 401K’s vanishing.  We are a people so clearly without control of our financial destinies! …Or so it feels…

In my own family we are cutting back, watching the food consumption (oh, did I mention the 6′3″ teenager I have?)  My kids even watch the gas prices at the pump, and recently cheered when the total was actually under $60.00!!!  Like many parents I look for “teaching moments” with my kids, what better time to learn the value of a dollar?  While driving with my seven year old son recently, I learned just how much of the bad economy vibe he was absorbing.  While discussing Halloween he informed me that this year he would be making his own costume…”to save you money Mommy…”  He then pointed to a cut up piece of construction paper stapled to his shirt.  At first I laughed, and then I told him how sweet and creative he was.(see? good and caring Mother)  After pondering this for a few minutes, two things hit me.  A) Even though he is my third child, I am still amazed at how much they take in.  After all, it’s not as if we are in danger of losing our home…we are not starving…We are being cautious.  and B) This project of his explains all the holes and random staples I’ve been finding in his clothes!  As it turned out, he recycled an old costume…He was a clone trooper, I’m sure no one but me noticed it was three inches to short!

I suddenly realized all the things that had slowly started to change for us.  Without even realizing it, our family time had begun to change.  Like most people I know we had fallen into routines of dinners out, movies with the kids, and shopping as a past time.  To be fair, I can shop a sale like no body’s business!  But as my husband said not to long ago…”Stop saving me money!”  So alas, even the shopping is mostly on the back burner…Whatever is a family of five in the year 2008 supposed to do for fun?  Well, as it turns out…”Making” your kids (even the 6′3″ teenage boy) go for a walk around town can be a lot of fun!  Especially when my husband created a new game, whereby he puts a dollar under a rock, counts to three…and every family member races to get the money first….As I said these are hard economic times!  One person was tackled, two people fell down, one child almost crushed (saved by before mentioned good Mother) and five people were laughing so hard there were actual tears!

It took a simple observation from a small child, to open my eyes to the many blessings happening in my family.   Joy filled my heart as I realized how we were bonding, how we were talking and laughing.  I realized that my children are listening to everything we say…Well, not everything, but definitely the things I don’t think they are listening to!  They are observing the world we live in, and learning from how we react to it as a family.  Our lives have changed for the better.  Not financially at the moment, but in a way that we will carry with us .I now look forward to sitting on the couch with my husband and a glass of wine,  the way I used to look forward to going to the latest restaurant!  What I’ve learned is that my kids actually want us around.  I know that won’t last forever, but I’ve got it now.  I wonder if I would have missed that message from them if we hadn’t had to cut back?

While I am scared for our country, and uncertain of our next few years, I do know this…I will never forget the lessons my children have taught me, what they have showed me they really need, by the way they have embraced this bad economy.

By Krista Michalowicz

Link – http://www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com/home/index.php

Bio – I have been a stay at home mom for the past 16 years, before that I worked in early childhood education. I am married to an entrepreneur; we have three children and live in Northern New Jersey. I enjoy writing in my spare time.

You Can Have it All by Masha Malka

By Masha Malka

I was asked by one of the reporters to describe how I balance being a mother working from home and having a career. The following article is the result of that discussion.

When my first baby (Veronica) was born I felt that now I had it all – the loving husband and the baby I always wanted and waited so long to have! I just couldn’t get enough of her – I couldn’t wait for her to wake-up so that I could play with her; I wrote her songs and letters; made hundreds of pictures and videotaped her every progress.

When Veronica was two years old something strange happened. As I was hanging out the laundry I felt tears running down my cheeks. And then I felt a deep yearning inside of me for something else, for something that was not a part of my life at the time. As much as I loved my baby and staying home with her, I had to do something else.

So I went back to school. I decided to continue my education through an online university (Capella University) so that I could still be with Veronica as much as possible. I studied while she slept and a year later I got a Graduate Certificate in Teaching and Training Online.

That same year I traveled to Las Vegas to attend a workshop on Accelerated Learning Techniques and became a certified trainer. Four months later I flew to Thailand to attend a Transformational Thinking Certificate Program. By then Veronica was three and a half years old and I was “working” on having another baby.

When I got back from Thailand I was so full of ideas and desire to start a career in training that I decided to postpone having the second child; yet, just two weeks later I discovered that I was 6 weeks pregnant!

“Well”, I said to myself, “Why should a pregnancy and a baby stop me from doing what I really want?!” So I proceeded to design my first workshop and delivered it when I was seven months pregnant. I have to mention that I had a terrible fear of public speaking and it took so much courage and determination not to give up my idea.

After the success of my first workshop I was “too pregnant” to deliver any more but I still felt I had to do something, so I converted my workshop into an e-book (“Discover Your Inborn Genius”), designed a website and 6 weeks later started selling it online. I knew absolutely nothing about e-books or selling them online when I had that idea.

My second baby Julia was born a week after Veronica’s 4^th birthday. Three month later we sold our house and moved to Bulgaria! My husband and I wanted to do Corporate Training for Emerging Markets and decided to be closer to the action. Not knowing anyone there and with two young children, we dived right in to finding clients and developing our first workshop.

I put my desk in the living room so that I would not miss “any action” while I was writing workbooks and doing my research. I also hired someone else to do the house chores so that when I did not work I could just be with my girls.

I still wrote songs and letters to my kids, as well as took lots of photos and videos. My career, though demanding, provided a perfect balance for me.

When Veronica turned six and Julia turned three I felt like my life was getting a little easier. Girls where in school and more and more independent; I was in the middle of writing my second book and there was a big demand for my coaching services. Though I really wanted to have a boy, I decided my family was perfect as it was and that I should not have any more children and give more focus to my career.

Ha! As I said that to my gynecologist he has informed me (after the routine check-up) that I was pregnant!! Completely shocked and realizing that with the third child I might have to let go or postpone quite a few of my dreams I just did not know what to do!

Since I am still not sure “how it happened” (I mean we used the same protection we always used), I thought to myself that this was really meant to be and it was not for me to decide whether this was the right time or not. So I just decided, as with everything else in my life, to take it one step at a time and see what happens.

I did not give up on any of my dreams! Two weeks after my baby-boy David was born, my book was published! I felt like I gave birth to two children that year! The joy and fulfillment was indescribable!

I chose to breastfeed all of my kids; which meant frequent waking at nights and not much power to think or do much. Yet, I had to get back to work – my clients were waiting and the book needed attention.

When I had only Veronica and no career, I used to think that it would be impossible for me to take care of more children. I just could not image how some women did it!

Now, with three children ages nine, five, and one, as well as a rapidly growing career I realize that we greatly underestimate our power and our strength! I am a very petite 5′2″ and 105 lbs woman who was always kind-of jealous of people with lots of energy (since I never seemed to have any). Yet, as I look back I realize how much I have already achieved!

My new book, The One Minute Coach: change your life one minute at a time published by a New York Publishing House – Morgan James Publishing – addresses many areas to assist others in creating balance in both their personal an professional life. I am busy doing what I love and I have created a perfect balance between my career and my family.

My children are growing up understanding that taking care of personal needs is just as important, if not more so, as taking care of other people’s needs. I still work from home and I am a very involved mom – attending all of the recitals, teacher meetings, doing project with my kids and taking them on “dates with Mommy”.

When we let go of our fears; do what we love; and just take it one step at a time – we can have it all!

Masha Malka is an entrepreneur, author, Clarity and Focus guru, international speaker and trainer as well as the mother of 3 children.

Masha has delivered workshops, seminars, written articles and books, and provided personal training and coaching in the field of success and the skill of learning since 1998.

She is the author of The One Minute Coach. This book is a great resource for anyone looking for more balance in their life. Order you own copy of The One Minute Coach within the next 24 hours and receive over $9,000 in bonus gifts from experts around the globe. Go to  http://mashamalka.com/bookpromotion/