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June 30, 2009 at 12:29 pm |
i work in a very small, tight-knit business, only 5 employees, and my boss’ wife is one of those employees. she thrives on talking behind everyone’s back. it’s like she takes turns hating different people in the business, and now she’s on me. whenever i’m not working, she’s talking to everyone else about me, and normally i wouldn’t care at all, but all these negative comments she’s making are going straight to my boss, and it’s making me really nervous. she’s his wife, so he’s going to take some of it into account…. is there a good way to address this situation?
June 30, 2009 at 12:44 pm |
Hi Rebecca
Thank you for your e-mail. The only way to approach this is to speak directly to the bosses wife and try to make peace, that is, assuming you want to stay with this company. Your approach should be out of curiosity and non threatening. For example, “Sally, is there something I have done that is bothering you? I’m sensing that you are irritated with me.” Then hold your tongue. Most likely she will say something like, “No, you are just too sensitive,” or some other form of denial. However, you have at least brought the subject to light.
If she presses on, by saying, “What do you mean,” you can then talk about an instance or an observation. Be careful not to use “blaming” or judging language.
For example, do NOT say, “You are rude to everyone and we are all tired of your complaining.” Instead say, “When I asked you a question, you rolled your eyes and raised your voice. I wasn’t sure if that was intentional or if you are just frustrated with something else.”
Now she is going to be more aware. My best advice is to be a good example no matter what she does or says, and in the meantime, start looking for another job and keep your options open. The reality is, the boss isn’t going to get rid of his own wife unless he sees that it’s necessary. I hope this helps.