It’s Not About the Solution

No matter what your problem, it’s never really about the solution… at first. That’s why I won’t be disappointed with you when you don’t take my advice, or when you do take my advice and it doesn’t work for you.

Haven’t you ever wondered why there are so many people who keep paying for coaching, going to workshops, seeking answers only to be stranded on the same island they started on?

When someone offers up a solution to you and it doesn’t work, it’s not because the solution isn’t a good one, it’s because on some level you are not clear that you agree. Or you are not clear that you really want the solutions say you want.

(I know because I’ve bought many template or blueprint programs only to become disinterested once the purchase was made.)

I see many consultants and coaches getting stressed because they don’t understand that it isn’t really about their solution. It is not really about convincing the client to actually implement advice they paid for.

It’s easy to make the assumption that just because someone paid for our advice there is no resistance. You make their resistance worse if you get too attached to them taking your advice. It becomes YOUR goal instead of THEIR goal.

When you get attached to someone else’s outcome, it’s only because you have a judgment about what they SHOULD be doing because your own ego is attached.

If there’s resistance on the part of the client, that resistance needs to be drilled down until you find willingness.

In part 7 of my Stop Your Drama Methodology I call willingness “The Fulcrum Point of Change.” Until there is willingness, nothing else happens, even if you give them the blueprint and weekly consulting.

Let’s face it, if it was all about the “how to” all the world’s problems could be solved at the public library and an accountability partner. Look at all the books out there on making money, finding love, building a business and losing weight.

The “how to” is already in place. What is not in place is clarity. When you get clear about who you are and what you want, you will get it.

If you are not clear about who you are and what you want you will learn through contrast. Another name for contrast is “pain.” You will discover that which you don’t want and then from that place you will eventually find your clarity.

The clarity may be to move forward and take the consultant’s advice. The clarity may be to reject the advice and move in a different direction.

The good news is clarity always comes.

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3 Responses to It’s Not About the Solution

  1. Laura says:

    Marlene you taught this so well! The fulcrum point of change needs to come before everything else! Thank you!

    • stopyourdrama says:

      Thank you so much! I always try to play a little “devil’s advocate” to see where the resistance is, and I continue to use this method for all of my own resistance issues too. :-)

  2. Annaly says:

    I’ve paid for things and not used them, so I can see here coaching could be the same. A person can know they need change, but are not ready to implement it.

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