Snapshot of Resistance

The word “Resistance” is new in the business world.  The definition I use is any negativity or “non-acceptance of what is.”   Here’s an easy visual. Feel free to share it with your team, your boss and your associates.

You and your team are in a rowboat productively rowing to the island called profits. Then, the boat springs a leak.

Rower #1 says, “Who’se fault is it anyway?”

Rower #2 says, “I knew this would happen! This sucks!”

Rower #3 says, “I fixed it last time and I’m not doing it this time.”

Rower #4 says, “It is your fault, Rower #2. I warned you to check out the boat.”

Rower #2 says, “Yes, and I told you that you chose the wrong boat maker to begin with.”

Rower #3 says, “I’m stupid to trust any of you to do what you are supposed to do.”

Rower #1 says, “You are all idiots and this is not fair, but let me fix it anyway.

Then Rower #1 thinks says secretly to himself, “I will fix it but I will never help again. I am not willing to row any harder, I am not willing to give any second chances and I have a right to feel how I feel.

This is resistance.  Productivity is lost. Tempers flair. Fingers point. Instead of plugging the leak, pitching in, working as a team, and looking at the systems, resistance got the best of the rowers. Is resistance getting the best of you? Where would you be without your drama?

Join me for the Release Resistance Training at www.stopyourdrama.us.

Four Ways To Stop the Drama at Work

Have you ever felt taken advantage of in the workplace? Your co-workers manipulate situations, do underhanded petty things, gossip and leave you out of conversations?  How do you get them to stop? There are four areas where you have a measure of control. To illustrate, read this true story about Miriam.

For several years Miriam, 52, has worked for a large corporation that has gone from a word processing department to a desktop publishing unit.  Although her coworkers are younger and have more seniority, Miriam has a degree in art and extensive graphic experience.  Miriam wants to retire with the company in six years but lately she feels like an outsider at work and she perceives this as a threat to her career.In her view, three of her coworkers are competitive and do underhanded things to get the “fun” jobs or the jobs that make them noticeable to management.  They withhold information, manipulate situations, steal ideas, or act helpless so that others will come to their aid and give them extra help. Miriam resents their skills at self-promotion and she finds it hard to sell herself, or to be taken seriously. She wants recognition for her work yet she finds it difficult to accept a compliment for fear of being perceived as haughty or ‘too proud.’ Miriam has tried on occasion to fit in with her coworkers by joking around but they act disgusted and make Miriam feel as though she has been inappropriate. When Miriam has tried to participate in the conversation she gets ignored and interrupted even to the point to where she has had to ask them to let her finish.  Miriam came to me for advice. She wanted to know how she could take charge of this situation.

There are four areas where Miriam has a measure of control: By exercising her choices, taking responsibility for her own career, changing her communication and becoming aware of the message she is sending.

CHOICES

None of us can control how coworkers act, but we can choose our reaction. Miriam must decide who she is (in the context of this situation) and continue to choose reactions that reflect confidence and centeredness.  When coworkers brag on themselves, rather than being envious or discounting them, she can agree with what is true and follow up with a question, “How did you do that?”   When we put ourselves in the position of believing we have all the confidence in the world, we’re not so hungry for the approval of others.  With this attitude and belief system in place, Miriam has more choices: to be come interested rather than envious, to become curious instead of competitive. With new choices comes the freedom to compliment her coworkers without discounting herself.

RESPONSIBILITY

It is your responsibility to take charge of your own promotion at work. Waiting for others to notice our attributes and talents is a poor way to gain personal power.  You can be ‘good’ in a closet and no one will ever know it.   Miriam can emphasize her background in graphic design and art by going to the library and brushing up on trends, and reporting the findings to her boss in an attitude of sharing knowledge. Instead of trying to compete with her coworkers and continue the cycle, Miriam can take credit for her ideas by telling the boss she would be glad to hold a session to teach some of her techniques and skills to her coworkers.  She might offer to train new hires or those that lag behind. She will be communicating that she is a team player and a leader.

COMMUNICATION

Communication is tricky-it’s more than mere words. Since Miriam feels rejected and distant it is most likely her communication is reflecting these emotions and perceptions, if not in her words or her tone, then perhaps in her body language.  One reason Miriam doesn’t receive support is because she communicates to her coworkers that she is uncomfortable with praise and doesn’t know how to react.  It’s best to acknowledge appreciation with a smile and a “thank you,” instead of arguing the point.  Rather than begging coworkers to let her finish her sentences, she can show her interest by asking open-ended questions. Miriam can monitor her communication to insure that the message received was the message intended.

AWARENESS

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Without making assumptions it’s likely that there is a reason Miriam is being received the ways she is.  Let’s look at the reactions from her joking:  My question to Miriam:  “Are you interjecting sarcastic comments or trying to be subtle in letting them know you feel like an outsider? Are you rolling your eyes when you disagree with your coworkers?”  Miriam admitted she was a big eye-roller and it was an ah-ha moment. We can’t cure or change what we are unaware of.  Without self-awareness it’s difficult to choose differently, or change our communication. Self-awareness is the key that unlocks the door to taking charge.

To get more information about how to identify the drama, sign up for The Drama Stops Here.

Increase Productivity by Releasing Resistance

You’ve surely felt it before.
Your clients resist purchasing.
You employees resist your leadership.
Your spouse resists your ideas.

Maybe you even resist a few things.
You resist looking at your numbers.
You resist looking at the Employee drama,
or you resist dealing with an irritable client.

What causes resistance?

Fear, disagreement, lack of understanding
and navigating through change.

Perhaps you “feel” the resistance in our world
right now because of the massive changes and fears.

Resistance always creates high stress and “DRAMA”
which is what I define as an obstacle to your
peace and prosperity.

The end result of resistance is
feeling stuck, increased negativity,
exhaustion, overwork, anxiety, and
lower productivity.

Whether you are a leader trying to
influence your staff, or sales professional
offering new services to your client,
you must know how to identify resistance
so you can “release the resistance”
and navigate through the change.

Many try will-power, behavioral solutions,
and disciplined approaches, only to have a
very short-term fix, leading to anxiety or
even disappointment.

The solution is secondary

Yes, the solution is always secondary to the emotional
and mental energy issues taking place during a period
of resistance.

There is one mind-set that must be activated
before change can take place. You must get
to what I call “The fulcrum point of change.”

For the first time, I’m offering a
two-part webinar on how to “Release Resistance”
and how to tap into the fulcrum point of change.

http://www.stopyourdrama.us

This may be one of the most important personal
and professional development tools you will ever
acquire. The knowledge you take from this
content-packed program can be used in your
personal and your professional life.

Who Should Attend?

*You are successful but want to maximize your energy
*You are ready to reinvent in some area of your business
*You want new methods to increase sales
*You enjoy learning cutting edge information
*You are comfortable exploring new methodologies
*You sometimes struggle with low energy and feel “tapped out”
*You are in the midst of a “power struggle” at home or at work
*You want to boost your confidence and self-esteem
*You want your relationships and communication to improve
*Ready for a challenge and a change

To see more about this program please go to this link.

http://www.stopyourdrama.us

Or you can download the audio (it’s 4 minutes long) about the program here.

The Easy Way to Get More Love

Every living thing just wants to be loved.

Some people try to get love by proving they are “right.”

Others try to get love by admitting they are always “wrong.”

Some try to get love by saying “yes” when they want to say “no.”

Some people believe they will finally be loved when they make more money.

Some believe they will get more love when they get the right career.

Some try to find love by getting more education, another title, one more degree.

Some believe plastic surgery will get them the love they want.

Others believe having more toys leads to more love.

The easiest way to get more love is to see yourself as an extension of God, make peace with who you are and where  you are,  and then show more love to everyone you meet.

Four Bad Habits that Make Others Avoid You

My friend  Sheri invites  me to have lunch with her and  Jane, “ a mover and a shaker.”

With lunch I also got a show…It was called “The All about Jane Show.”

I reprimand myself for being so judgmental while pretending to be engaged.

After a rather dull 45 minute lunch I say my good-byes to Sheri and Jane.

Sheri walks me to my car and drops a bomb: “I always feel worse when I’m around Jane.”

“OMG… I thought it was just me.”

“No, I always feel this way but I’m not sure why,” Sheri says.

There’s a saying, people will forget what you say but they will never forget how they made you feel. The good thing about observing Jane was to become aware of little habits that could be tweaked a bit to create better relationships.

1. Blabber Mouth

2. Know it All

2. Psycho-Analyzer

3. Corrective

Blabber Mouth
From the moment we sat down Jane talked. She talked about her knowledge, about her connections, her lifestyle, her education and anything else that related to the world of Jane.  It was interesting the first ten minutes, boring after 15 minutes and irritating at half past the hour.

Solution: Ask a question and listen.  If you are the only one talking chances are you are the only one having fun.

Know it All
Jane had the answer for any question, idea or thought process that even tried to leak out. It was almost as if Jane was in grade school raising her hand yelling “ask me, ask me!” When others did share an opinion Jane had to top it off with one additional piece of information.

Solution: Relax. You don’t need to know everything.  Unless you are being paid as a consultant, a little curiosity, or even some humor would add flavor to your personality.

Psycho analyzer
Jane had had a lot of “personality training” and she was quick to share her opinions about my body language, about how I answered the one question she asked me, and about the colors I chose to wear that day. OK, I’ll admit it made me feel guarded. Maybe it would have been a little more acceptable if I had already established a relationship, but on a first “date” it felt a bit intrusive.

Solution: Just have fun and connect. Save the psychoanalysis for good friends who love you with all your own quirks. You don’t want people to guard every sentence or feel that you are going to “add meaning” to every nuance and clothing choice.

Corrective
She didn’t do it to me, but Jane corrected Sheri at least four times. Jane had a “better way to say it” or a “distinction” to share.  There was never any acknowledgment or recognition that anyone else had something of value to add.

Solution: There’s  no need to argue every point or disagree with everything someone else says. What’s wrong with a well placed, “Now that’s an interesting way of looking at things.” Or,  if you simply must add your two cents,  bridge the gap with a statement  such as, “I know what you mean,” then you can say, “the way I think of it is…” Instead, of “No, that’s not correct…”

Just tweaking some of these tendencies will help you build stronger and more rewarding relationships where everyone gets to shine just a little.

The Entrepreneurs Journey

I see an island and I want to go.

I’m excited.

I jump into a row-boat with one oar and no map.

The island is farther away than I expected.

I become discouraged.

I see a closer island so I row toward it.

I meet a consultant.

I pay almost all that I have to the consultant who convinces me I wanted to go to the wrong island.

The consultant sells me a map and a blueprint to go to his island.

I now need a motor and a better boat.

I get a loan and purchase the better boat and the motor and head to the consultant’s island.

The blue print is helpful, but I’m not that excited.

On the way I see a sparkling island and it looks much more appealing.

I motor towards it.

I have lost the map the consultant gave me.

The fog rolls in.

Now I’m confused about what I really want.

I’m mad at the consultant.

The motor is acting up.

I row to the closest island.

My needs are met.

There is coconut milk and a native there needs my services.

It’s better than nothing.

Time passes.

I am bored and know there must be more.

I still want my original island.

This time I’m smarter.

I take TWO oars and a map.

I’ll geet the motor fixed eventually.

I’m back in the gap.

(to be continued.)

4 Things You Must Do in a Recession

Instead of worrying, blaming the recession, or shrinking, here are four things you must do to change the situation:

1. You must get clear
2. You must be bigger than your circumstances
3. You must stop your drama”
4. You must reinvent

You must get clear
The one with clarity navigates the ship. The problem I see right now is too many people have clarity but it is in the wrong direction. Is your clarity

–I don’t have time

–I don’t have money

–I am not enough?

What if your clarity was of a different kind?

–I have all the time I need

–I am resourceful

–I am enough

You can be clear that you are going to fail or clear that you are going to be successful. What kind of clarity do you want?

You must be bigger than your circumstances
No matter how tough it seems you are not your job, you are not your business and you are not your bad news. You must never confuse where you are with who you are.

You Must Put a Stop to Your Drama
Drama is any obstacle to your peace or prosperity. What is your obstacle? The fight with your spouse, your negative attitude, the worry that keeps you up at night? Did you know that even recalling an angry experience can suppress the immune system for up to 6 hours? You must stop being a victim to your thoughts or to your circumstances.

You Must Reinvent
The idea of being in a recession keeps you a victim as you wait and wait and wait for someone to do something or something to change. When you decide to reinvent, you now become a creator and you make the necessary changes.

I have developed a very easy to use self-study to help you reclaim your power.
Most of the time all we have to do to reinvent is to stop betraying ourselves.
I have found there are 7 ways we self-betray on an ongoing basis. Why not use this “recession” as a time for reflection and reinvention?

The deadline for the early bird rate is May 1^st. Hope to see you there!

Prescription to Relieve the Pain of Failure

Take 2 Tsp of resentment and equal parts justification.

Find someone to blame for your situation.

Tell your story to someone who will readily agree.

Relief should happen immediately.

Symptoms of taking this drug include the tendency to always be right, the need to repeat the story to others,
being seen as a bore, relationship problems and trouble on the job.

If you experience any of the above symptoms go to http://www.stopyourdrama.com and take a dose of personal responsibility.

Warning: The taste can be quite bitter, and may be difficult to swallow, but taking a daily dose of personal responsibility will cure chronic addiction to the blame elixer and will eliminate the need to blame or tell stories.

Restaurant Drama? It’s Not About the Cook.

Apparently there are a lot of chefs and cooks out there who simply must get their way no matter how their temper tantrums create drama in the workplace and negatively impact customer service.

Apparently cooks and chefs “throwing a fit”  is a commonly accepted occurrence  in catering, fancy restaurants and even in family owned cafes.

Several years ago while visiting a new cafe,  I requested romaine lettuce instead of iceberg and the waitress said, “I would make the request but it would make the chef mad.”

Just last week I asked a catering company to switch a food item and the response by the person in charge was, “Chef will throw a fit.”

I just read a blog by Seth Godin where he says, and I quote, ” Don’t try to talk a vegan into eating the chicken-fried steak just because the chef will yell at you if you ask for one more plate of steamed vegetables.” (Now, mind you this wasn’t the main point of his blog,) but I can’t help but ask the question: When did restaurant service become more about the cook and less about the customer? Aren’t we missing the point?

Here’s are some leadership lessons that work for any business but especially for food service and restaurants.

1. Don’t make your cook’s personality flaws your customers problem. Even if it’s part of your “back stage” employees should NEVER gossip about the drama behind the curtain.

2. If your number one commitment is to keeping cook happy then you need to communicate the rules and set expectations with your customers in advance. (For example we do not substitute, or, we do not allow sharing portions.)

3. Relationship drama always hampers productivity. Understand that drama on the inside filters down to customer service and eventually to your bottom line.

4. Fire any employee or cook who creates drama, even if you think they are the top performer. Their negativity and pompous attitude will eventually ruin your business, no matter how good they are at sales, at production or at cooking a meal.

4. Train, Tain, Train your staff how to communicate and put on a good “show.”

For example, at the the last minute I had to change my menu because the cook was freaking out. (The good news is the food was actually better than what I had ordered, but the problem from a customers point of view is the way the issue was presented.) Instead of this being a surprise and a benefit, it was presented to me as if I had to adjust to keep the cook happy. Bad communication skills. Good training would have given the catering staff the tools to make me feel special and let me know what a good deal I’m getting.  Instead what I heard was excuses as to why I could not get what I wanted.

The first step in improving customer service is to clear the fog and get in alignment. You can’t go to the island called “exceptional customer service” when you are rowing to the island called keeping cook happy.  What is your mission? Why are you in business? What keeps you going?  Is your company dedicated to giving the customer what she wants or is there a bigger commitment to keeping the cook happy?

Good News Bad News

Waiting out the storm in a hot crowded basement.

Good News: My first “Reinvent Seminar” has 30 participants!

Bad News: The room is not set up like I requested when I arrive.

Good News: I stay calm and get to work and everyone arrives early.

More Good News: It is an overcast day so the shades can stay open to a beautiful view of the city.

Bad News: A tornado was spotted 30 miles away and the wind is ferocious outside.

Good News: There’s a basement in the building.

Bad News: We have to walk down 22 flights and most of us wore high heels.

More Bad News: People are chattering as they walk down the stairs. The person in front of me is spilling coffee down the steps. I judge myself for being judgmental about the chatter, the storm, and the spilt coffee.

Good News: I commend myself for being aware of my judgments and I do a prayer of forgiveness. I feel centered and loving again.

Good News: We arrive at the basement.

Bad News: The basement is hot and crowded.

Good News: I stifle my urge to complain.

Great News: The storm is over and we head for the elevator.

Bad News: Someone was clueless. The storm is not over at all. The elevators aren’t working. I judge myself for thinking someone is clueless and for being mad at the storm.

Good News: The storm really is over. Time to get on the elevator.

Bad News: It’s almost time for lunch and I haven’t even started the seminar.

Good News: Almost everyone is willing to adjust their schedule and stay two more hours.

Learning Points: Life is full of what we describe as good news and bad news. No matter how much you plan, strategize or worry, sometimes there is a bigger plan you must adapt to. When circumstances are out of your control, your best option is to release resistance, because in releasing you learn how to be present and you learn to trust.